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Writing Samples
Band 5

Today, many people do not know their neighbors in large cities. What problems does this cause? What can be done about this?

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Introduction
In modern society, it is not strange for
people
Use synonyms
 living in big cities to know nothing about their
neighbors
Change the spelling
neighbours
show examples
 in terms of
Linking Words
such as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their family combination, marital status, employment situation
even
Correct word choice
, or even
show examples
 who they are.
This
Linking Words
 essay will pose the potential risks
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that this
show examples
 phenomenon may
arise
Verb problem
pose
show examples
 and give some related suggestions.
Body paragraph 1
The major problem of
this
Linking Words
 trend may lie in the influence
to
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on
show examples
 the lifestyle of modern citizens. As compared with the life of
elder
Correct word choice
older
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 generations,
younger generation's life
Correct word order
the life of the younger generation
show examples
 is flooded with varying electronic devices,
avoiding
Verb problem
preventing
show examples
people
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
from
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 getting bored even without going outside of their homes. With certain facilities and
ameneties
Correct your spelling
amenities
,
people
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 can develop their interpersonal
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and personal interests
through
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in
show examples
 a virtual way, rather than having face-to-face interaction with others.
This
Linking Words
 trend may lead to a
vary
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very
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 superficial communication, causing a
sense
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 of isolation which will definitely
impaire
Correct your spelling
impair
 humans' well-being in the long term.
Body paragraph 2
Another potential risk
this
Linking Words
 fact may generate is that it may weaken citizens'
sense
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 of
community
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 and belonging. As we all know,
activities
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 within a
community
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 will undoubtedly shorten the distance among different
individuals
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
free
Correct article usage
a free
show examples
community
Use synonyms
 reading sharing
seminor
Correct your spelling
seminar
 enables readers
find
Verb problem
to find
show examples
people
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 sharing similar interests with them; a football team standing for
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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community
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 encourages more engagement
of
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in
show examples
 sports and enables families
gaining
Wrong verb form
to gain
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 a
sense
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 of pride.
By contrast
Linking Words
, without interaction with other members living in the same
community
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, it
stops
Verb problem
prevents
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people
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to have
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from having
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 access of abundent public
resourecs
Correct your spelling
resources
 and
benefit
Wrong verb form
benefiting
show examples
 from a group. Some
individuals
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 may feel
being
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apply
show examples
excluded and marginalised without certain facilities.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is mirrored in almost all
metropolies
Correct your spelling
metropolises
 that
people
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 do not know a lot about their
neiborhoods
Correct your spelling
neighbourhoods
.
This
Linking Words
 may give rise to a
sense
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 of isolation and limit
individuals
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' access
of
Change preposition
to
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 all kinds of
activities
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, facilities, and resources, and long-term personal development. In my opinion, more
community
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 and
familiy-based
Correct your spelling
family-based
activities
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 should be held,
this
Linking Words
 will capture
individuals
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' attention and
arise
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 their
willing
Replace the word
willingness
 to participate to an
extend
Use the right word
extent
show examples
.
Besides
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, governments should limit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
access to social media to certain groups
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as children, encouraging outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
 and a healthier life style in societal scale.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: you explain the problems and give ways to help. However, the last idea about limiting social media is not fully linked to knowing neighbours. Explain more clearly how this step would make people meet and talk.
task response
Make each main problem more direct. For example, say that people may not get help in an emergency, may feel alone, and may not trust people near them. These points are closer to the question than general ideas about online life.
task response
Your examples of a reading group and a football team are useful. Make them more real by showing the result: people meet often, share news, and help each other when there is a need.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, two problem parts, and a conclusion with ideas for action. Keep this simple plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and have too many ideas. Use shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily. For example, explain online life in one sentence, then state its effect in the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. Instead of "Another potential risk this fact may generate", use "A second problem is that...". Instead of "By contrast", make sure you show a real opposite idea.
coherence and cohesion
Be consistent with key words. Use "neighbours" and "community" often, rather than changing to "neighbourhoods" when you mean people living nearby.
task response
You give two clear problem ideas: people can feel alone, and they can lose a sense of community.
task response
You offer practical actions, such as more local events for families and groups.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion brings the main points together.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main idea, and the examples help the reader understand your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of community
  • isolation
  • loneliness
  • support network
  • sense of security
  • trust
  • cooperation
  • social support
  • integration
  • community events
  • shared spaces
  • neighborly interactions
  • neighborhood watch programs
  • community engagement
  • technology
  • connect
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