IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You applied to a job, were offered the position, but have decided not to accept the offer. Write a letter to the HR supervisor with whom you interviewed. In your letter: Explain the reason why you are declining the offer Describe your reasons for staying with your current position Express your gratitude Write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Ms. Barry,

#job #position #offer #hr #supervisor #reason #gratitude #addresses #ms #barry
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Dear Ms. Barry. I hope you are doing well. I am Harsh Desai who you interviewed
last
 week. I felt very delightful when you offered me the position of supervisor.
However
, I have decided not to accept it because after the interview, when you gave me the plant tour, I found out that there were many safety hazards present in the plant which is really concerning.
Besides
 that, when I talked to my manager about that I am looking for other jobs, he offered me a raise and better responsibilities where I could grow my skills.
In addition
 to that, I have been working in
this
 company for the
last
 five years.
This
 place is like home to me now. I know everyone, everyone knows me and we are like family. It would be so challenging for me to leave
this
 place and join you.
However
, I am really grateful that you found me worthy of
this
 role and considered me for that. There is no doubt that anyone can grow in your company. I will surely refer my friends or someone I know for
this
 position. Yours sincerely, Harsh Desai
Submitted by harshdesai305 on

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Task Achievement
To enhance your Task Achievement, ensure that your reasons for declining the job offer and your explanation for staying with your current position are clear and detailed. While you have mentioned safety hazards and a pay raise, consider providing more depth to these explanations, such as discussing how these factors specifically impact your decision.
Coherence and Cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion, it's commendable that your letter has a clear structure and progresses logically from one point to the next. However, to improve further, consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect your sentences and ideas, enhancing the overall flow of the letter.
Writing Tone
Regarding tone, you have managed to maintain a polite and respectful tone throughout the letter, which is crucial when declining a job offer. Continue to use similar respectful language in future letters, ensuring you always leave a positive impression.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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