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Band 6.5

Social media is a good thing for modern society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

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Introduction
Many people believe that social
media
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 is beneficial for our current
society
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. I mostly disagree with
this
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 view because using these apps
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 slowly causing many problems,
such
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 as cyberbullying and reduced levels of attention spans;
however
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, I understand that social
media
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 is
also
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 making long-distance communication much more efficient today.
Body paragraph 1
One main reason why I believe that social
media
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 is having a bad influence on our
society
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 is that it has been leading to severe cases of online bullying. Today, anyone is able to post inappropriate images of others to make fun of them in cruel ways. To illustrate, a friend of mine once had their pictures posted on Instagram, and that image eventually gained a lot of hate and unkind comments. With issues like these becoming more prevalent, it can lead victims to feel depressed, embarrassed, or even suicidal.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, social
media
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 reduces people's attention spans because, based on scientific research, frequently watching short clips will gradually make our brains more distracted.
Consequently
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, it can lead to not being able to work or study productively, and
therefore
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, work in our
society
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 may not always be at its best quality.
Body paragraph 3
However
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,
due to
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 the advanced technology in these apps, people from distances as far as thousands of miles can communicate with each other faster and more easily.
This
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 is extremely helpful because it makes doing business from overseas and talking to our loved ones much less difficult.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I mostly believe that social
media
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 has a negative impact on our
society
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 because it could lead to health issues and effect peoples' work.
This
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 is because cyberbullying can result in depression, and habitually watching short clips will make attention spans shorter.
However
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, I admit that social
media
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 has positive influences on our
society
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 as well,
such
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 as making communication with others easier. Given the situation, it is still better to use less social
media
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, as serious issues could occur.

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task response
Make your main view even more clear in the first and last parts. You mostly disagree, so show why the bad points are stronger than the good point.
task response
Develop each main point more. For online bullying, explain how posts can spread fast and why this can harm many people. For short videos, give a more clear link between less focus and daily work or study.
task response
Use one more clear and real example for the point about poor focus. The example about your friend is useful, but it would be stronger with more detail about what happened after the post.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: your view, two bad points, one good point, and a last part. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas can be smoother. For example, after the point about short clips, explain more clearly how this can affect society, not only one person.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same ideas in the last part. Instead, sum up your two main reasons in a short, direct way and restate why they matter more than easier communication.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view: social media has more bad effects than good ones.
task response
Your points are on topic. Online bullying, poor focus, and easier contact with people far away all fit the question well.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, and words such as “In addition,” “However,” and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your essay.
coherence and cohesion
The first part and the last part match well, so the reader can easily understand your overall view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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