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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

2.In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
One of the global issues of the 21st century is
urbanization
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urbanisation
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. A growing number of those who live in the countryside are moving to a metropolis every year
due to
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 various reasons,
such
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 as better job prospects and improved social infrastructure.
Consequently
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, the population density in rural expanse has a tendency to decrease. I firmly believe
this
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 constitutes a largely negative development, chiefly
due to
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 the risk of the local culture and heritage disappearing and the transformation of rural settlements into ghost towns.
Body paragraph 1
The most troubling consequence of rural population decline is the loss of cultural diversity. Municipality brings together the public from all over the world, each with their own language and traditions.
As a result
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, when rural residents move to urban areas, they often abandon their cultural identity and forget their regional history and native language.
For example
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, in many European hamlets, traditional dances and local dialects have disappeared because the younger generation has moved to cities.
This
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 means that unique cultural heritage is lost forever.
This
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 affects both generations
:
Punctuation problem
;
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 young people lose their connection to their roots and feel disconnected from their family history,
while
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 older people feel isolated because the traditions they grew up with are no longer
practiced
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practised
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.
Body paragraph 2
A
further
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 adverse implication is the transformation of rural space into abandoned
villages
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. As more families relocate to downtown, rural regions face a growing shortage of workforce, which threatens local agriculture and businesses.
Moreover
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, social infrastructure,
such
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 as hospitals and schools, closes down, and
villages
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 turn into ghost towns, where only elderly people remain.
For example
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, in Spain and Italy, many
villages
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 have been abandoned because the younger generation has moved to cities. In Japan, more than 800 settlements are at risk of disappearing entirely.
This
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 affects elderly residents most severely. Without schools and hospitals nearby, they must travel long distances for basic services, and many feel abandoned and lonely.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly believe that the decline of rural populations is a largely negative development. The loss of cultural identity and the transformation of
villages
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 into ghost towns are serious consequences that affect both individuals and society.

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Task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you stay with it. To make it even stronger, say why the move to cities may also have some good sides, then explain why the bad sides are still more important.
Task response
Your two main ideas are well explained. You could add one more clear link between the loss of farms and food for people, so the wider effect is easier to see.
Task response
The examples fit your ideas well. Make sure that facts, such as the number of places in Japan, are fully sure. If not, use a less exact example, such as 'many small places in Japan'.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. Each main part has one main idea, which makes it easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Your linking words work well, such as 'Consequently', 'As a result', and 'Moreover'. Use a few simpler links too, such as 'Also', 'Because of this', and 'For this reason', to keep the flow natural.
Coherence and cohesion
Some word choices may make the meaning less clear. For example, use 'cities' instead of 'municipality', 'rural areas' instead of 'rural expanse', and 'the countryside' instead of 'rural space'.
Coherence and cohesion
In the second main part, 'relocate to downtown' is too narrow because people may move to any part of a city. 'Move to cities' is clearer and matches the question better.
Task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear opinion that the change is mostly bad.
Task response
You explain real effects on both young and old people, not only on places. This gives your ideas depth.
Task response
Your examples from Europe, Spain, Italy, and Japan support the main points well.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly gives the topic, the causes of the move, and your main view.
Coherence and cohesion
Each body part starts with a clear main point and then gives reasons, examples, and effects.
Coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your main view and main reasons in a clear way.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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