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Writing Samples
Band 4

Social media is a good thing for modern society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

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Introduction
In today’s world, everyone is quite active on social media applications. It
become
Verb problem
has become
show examples
 an inevitable part of most
of the
Correct determiner usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
’s
live
Replace the word
lives
. Some believe that it is a better thing for modern society. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement to some extent
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I will discuss some reasons in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, social sites are a better way to earn money
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and gain popularity easily.
People
Use synonyms
 can represent their talent to the world through these platforms.
For example
Linking Words
, there is an eminent YouTube channel, The Simple Nursing, which is run by Mike Linares. Through
this
Linking Words
 channel, he teaches complex nursing concepts very efficiently.
This
Linking Words
 technique helped him to reach millions of subscribers. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
people
Use synonyms
 can show their capabilities.
Overtime
Use the right word
Over time
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, after gaining
sufficient
Correct article usage
a sufficient
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 number of followers
,
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apply
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 and fame, these sites serve as an income source for folks.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, overuse of social media platforms can build
habit
Correct article usage
a habit
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 of
doom scrolling
Correct your spelling
doomscrolling
.
People
Use synonyms
’s screen time
increase
Wrong verb form
has increased
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 significantly.
This
Linking Words
 leads to a sedentary lifestyle. All
this
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 negatively
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 their mental well-being
,
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apply
show examples
 when
people
Use synonyms
 do not indulge in any kind of physical activity.
For instance
Linking Words
, many youngsters prefer to scroll on Instagram
,
Correct word choice
and
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 Facebook rather than
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 cricket, badminton or football.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they are more prone to suffer from stress, anxiety, and even depression.
Hence
Linking Words
, these apps have some drawbacks as well.
Conclusion
In conclusion, social platforms are like a double-edged sword.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 these
medias
Check wording
media
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 are useful to stay connected with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
loved ones, overuse can reduce productivity
of
Check wording
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.

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Task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say how far you agree and keep this same view in the whole essay.
Task response
Your main ideas are on topic: social media can help people share skills and earn money, but too much use can harm health. Add one more clear point about how it helps modern society, such as keeping family and friends in touch.
Task response
Explain the link between each example and your main point. For example, after the YouTube example, say why this helps society, not only the channel owner.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, good side, bad side, and conclusion. Keep using one main idea in each body paragraph.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. "Nevertheless" works well for the bad side. Do not put a comma after "Although" when it starts a sentence.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match your view. You say you agree to some extent, so end by saying that social media is good when people use it in a healthy and limited way.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating "people" and "social media" too often. You can use "users", "these platforms", or "they" when the meaning is clear.
Task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give a clear real-life example about a YouTube teacher.
Task response
The ideas are relevant and easy to understand.
Coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear purpose, and the move from benefits to problems is easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
You include both an introduction and a conclusion, which gives the essay a complete shape.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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