IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, with the strong development in economic, the form of transportation has
been
Verb problem
become
show examples
 more and more
various
Replace the word
varied
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the governments had better invest more
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
railways
Use synonyms
 than
roads
Change preposition
in roads
show examples
. In my opinion, I
abslutely
Correct your spelling
absolutely
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 view.
Body paragraph 1
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the one hand,
railways
Use synonyms
 should
be spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 more
money
Use synonyms
 to decrease
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
Use synonyms
 pollution. Many car in a road can release a huge amount of carbon dioxide, which
effect badly to the
Correct word order
affects the air badly
show examples
air
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the railway traffic types don’t cause any
air
Use synonyms
problem
Check wording
problems
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 way
also
Linking Words
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 avoid traffic congestion in some areas, especially cities and towns. A train can take
hundered
Correct your spelling
hundreds
 of
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
that reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 the number of cars or motobike migrate on the road.
For example
Linking Words
, Hanoi is a big city where
air
Use synonyms
 pollution is happening popular.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the government has invested a huge
Use synonyms
money
Check wording
amount of money
show examples
 in
bulding
Correct your spelling
building
railways
Use synonyms
 to solve
this
Linking Words
air
Use synonyms
 issue.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 type of transportation is obviously more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 than the road one. The train or tram can take a lot of citizens
go
Verb problem
to go
show examples
 to work or to a entertainning place, which is far from their home, in a very fast way. The residents
also
Linking Words
needn’t
Correct word order
don’t need
show examples
 to drive, so
this
Linking Words
 approach can be much safer and
decline accidents significantly
Correct word order
significantly reduce accidents
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Japan is a country where the residents depend strongly on
underground
Correct article usage
the underground
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 has made the lifestyle of
people
Use synonyms
 here more modern and
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that the governments had better invest more
money
Use synonyms
 to promote the development of
railways
Use synonyms
rathe
Correct your spelling
rather
 than roads. Thanks to
this
Linking Words
 way, the life of the
people
Use synonyms
 can be much convinient and safe, and
also
Linking Words
 reduce the
air
Use synonyms
 contamination.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that railways should get more money. To make the answer stronger, say more about the word “rather”. Explain why railways should get more money than roads, while roads still need some money for buses, lorries, and places without rail lines.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. For air pollution, explain that one train can carry many people, so there may be fewer cars and less pollution. Be careful with the idea that all rail travel causes no air pollution; some trains use power made from fuel.
task response
Your Japan and Hanoi examples fit your ideas. Make them more exact by saying what rail system is used and how it has helped people, such as shorter travel time or fewer cars in the city.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the first line of each body part state the full main idea more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. “On the one hand” usually needs “on the other hand”. Here, you can use “First”, “Also”, and “For example” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. Use short, direct sentences. For example: “A train can carry hundreds of people. This can reduce the number of cars and motorbikes on the road.”
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the start to the end.
task response
You give two useful reasons: less air pollution and safer, faster travel. Both are linked to railways.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are easy to see, and the conclusion brings your main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Examples from Hanoi and Japan help the reader understand your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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