IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Governments should spend money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

4.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 issue fo
govement
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
 on railways
instead
Linking Words
 of roads. In many
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 in the world
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as Japan or
Korea
Punctuation problem
Korea,
show examples
 that are a trend and popular with local
people
Use synonyms
. So
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 me, I think
this
Linking Words
 idea will have both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
good and bad
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 if
govement
Use synonyms
 enter
this
Linking Words
 rule.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, if
govement
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
money
Use synonyms
 to update
rail’s facility
Check wording
rail facilities
show examples
 more than roads,
this
Linking Words
 location will have a good shipping facility. The
train
Use synonyms
 can
transports
Wrong verb form
transport
show examples
 the goods better
use
Use synonyms
 contaner in truck which can bring goods
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
over long
trip
Check wording
trips
show examples
 with
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 percentage of
lossing
Replace the word
loss
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, using
Use synonyms
train
Check wording
trains
show examples
 in
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 is a good
methods
Fix the agreement mistake
method
show examples
 to
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
 traffic jams
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can help
the worker
Check wording
workers
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as officer come to
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
 on time every day. Using railways is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
 to protect your bank
acount
Correct your spelling
account
 because you only spend small
money
Use synonyms
 for vip ticket in one year
instead
Linking Words
 of
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 too
costly
Correct word choice
much
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 for recharge energy for your cars. In fact, using
Use synonyms
train
Check wording
trains,
show examples
 which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a type of public transports is a good way to decrease air pollution
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was showed by
hot
Correct article usage
the hot
show examples
 news and encourage in awereness secction.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, using
Use synonyms
train
Correct article usage
a train
show examples
 for travel make
customer
Use synonyms
 to have
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
atmostphere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
 with
friend
Check wording
friends
show examples
 or family
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many special
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 issue
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have a secret travel or go to some where peceful
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as moutain or
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 lake. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 prefer
Use synonyms
use
Verb problem
to use
show examples
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
train
Verb problem
travel
show examples
 because they can go
somewhere in
Correct word choice
wherever
show examples
 they
self
Verb problem
want
show examples
, and don’t
adopt
Verb problem
have to adhere
show examples
 to any rules or follow
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 boring trip which has
prepared
Verb problem
been prepared
show examples
 by
Use synonyms
train
Correct article usage
the train
show examples
 station.
Moreover
Linking Words
, stealing iron is a bad issue in many country that why goverments in there don’t want to spend time and
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
. In
Use synonyms
train
Correct article usage
a train
show examples
 where completely
depent
Correct your spelling
dependent
 on public
awereness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 of
people
Use synonyms
, so many
people
Use synonyms
 have bad
habit
Check wording
habits
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
smocking
Correct your spelling
smoking
 or
unrespect
Correct your spelling
disrespecting
 old
people
Use synonyms
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
 affect too much
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
customer
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 one of
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 reasons make
people
Use synonyms
 have a bad
eyes
Check wording
eye
show examples
 about using trains.
Conclusion
Inconclusion
Replace the word
In conclusion
,
this
Linking Words
 idea is a good think help economic developing
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a bad side with many reason by emotes and
awareness of
Correct word order
customer awareness
show examples
customer
Use synonyms
. So I think
Use synonyms
govement
Correct your spelling
government
 can balance
money
Use synonyms
 to
investment
Replace the word
invest
 in two
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 that can help
Use synonyms
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 have more
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 in
difficults
Correct your spelling
difficult
 situations
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 get a
relize jouneys
Correct your spelling
realistic journey

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph. Say if you agree, disagree, or partly agree. Your essay says there are good and bad sides, but your own view is not clear enough.
task response
Keep your ideas close to the main question: should public money go more to railways than roads? Some points, such as private trips, smoking, and stealing iron, do not clearly show why money should go to one area or the other.
task response
Explain each main point more fully. For example, say how trains can move many people and goods, cut road traffic, and lower air pollution. Then explain why roads are still needed for places that trains cannot reach.
task response
Use real, clear examples. Japan and Korea are named, but the essay does not explain what their rail systems do or how this supports your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, reasons for railways, reasons for roads, and conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. The first body paragraph has several ideas about goods, traffic, money, and pollution. Split or link these ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'Therefore'. Make sure each new sentence follows from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion clear and direct. Restate your view and give one short reason. Do not add unclear new ideas at the end.
task response
You discuss both railways and roads, and you try to give reasons for each side.
task response
You include useful public issues, such as traffic, goods, and air pollution.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some clear signposts, such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
What to do next:
Look at other essays: