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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many aspects of the way people dress today are influenced by global fashion trends. How has global fashion become such a strong influence on people’s lives? Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays,
globalisation
Correct article usage
the globalisation
show examples
 of
fashion
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 has become more and more prevalent among youths in the majority of countries. The increasing popularity of
pop
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Use synonyms
cultures
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culture
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 and social media applications is considered to be a huge catalyst for
this
Linking Words
fashionglobalisation
Correct your spelling
fashion globalisation
.
However
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, I am in favour of the view that these
trends
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 can have adverse effects on the
cultures
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 of minority groups
as well as
Linking Words
 their identity. The following paragraphs will delve into how
fashion
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trends
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 started to spread globally and why I believe that
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 can have drastic effects on local
cultures
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.
Body paragraph 1
This
Linking Words
 globalisation of clothing
styles
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 can be said to stem from the rise of
pop
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Use synonyms
cultures
Check wording
culture
show examples
 and social media platforms. World-famous singers and artists have millions of
fans
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 from all over the world, and they have the ability to influence their
fans
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 in many aspects of life.
This
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 is even more fuelled by the invention of applications
such
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 as Facebook and Instagram, which allow
fans
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 to catch up with what kind of
styles
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 their idols are adopting, and to imitate those immediately in their daily life.
For example
Linking Words
, if a picture of Taylor Swift wearing a plain white T-shirt
while
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 shopping circulated online, thousands of her
fans
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 across the world would definitely find it fashionable to wear those plain white T-shirts on a daily basis. If it had not been for social media and
pop
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 artists,
this
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 would never have happened.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is concerning that
this
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 can put other minority
cultures
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 and
fashion
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styles
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 at risk. Seeing as many youths are a lot more into global
cultures
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 in
fashion
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, it may become significantly challenging for locals to persuade the younger population to preserve their traditional
styles
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. An obvious impact of
this
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 would be the loss of cultural identity, since global
fashion
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trends
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 took over.
For instance
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, these days in
Myanmar
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, most would rather choose to wear global designs
such
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 as denim jackets and hoodies than
Myanmar
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 traditional longyis made of cotton, which makes it hard for us to showcase the best of
Myanmar
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 cultural
fashion
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styles
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 to other foreign countries. If it were not for
this
Linking Words
 globalisation, more
Myanmar
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 traditional costumes would still be seen in public places
of
Change preposition
in
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 our country.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
pop
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 music and the internet contributed mainly to the surge in global
fashion
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trends
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. Despite its popularity, I am still convinced that it can threaten the fashions of minority
cultures
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. Doing awareness campaigns to promote local
cultures
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 and
fashion
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 might reduce its negative impact to some extent, thereby eliminating the concerns
to
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 loss of cultural value in
fashion
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.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task. To make your view stronger, say more clearly why the loss of local dress is worse than the good side of global fashion, such as more choice or lower prices.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: pop stars and social media spread new styles, and local dress may be lost. Add one more clear step between cause and result. For example, say that young people see the same looks every day, so they start to feel that local clothes are old.
task response
Your Myanmar example is useful and personal. Make it more careful: say that many young people may choose jeans or hoodies for daily use, while longyis can still be worn at home, at work, or at special times. This will make the example sound more fair.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: introduction, one cause paragraph, one negative result paragraph, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the first line of each body paragraph state the main point more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “On the other hand” usually shows a different or opposite side. Here, “However” or “As a result” would fit better because you move from the cause to the bad effect.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences repeat the same idea. For example, after saying fans can copy an idol’s style, you can shorten the next part. This will make the paragraph move faster and more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
In the end, “thereby eliminating the concerns to loss of cultural value” is hard to follow. Use a simple ending such as: “This may help protect local clothes and cultural identity.”
task response
You give a clear answer from the start and keep the same view all the way through the essay.
task response
The Taylor Swift example clearly shows how famous people and social media can make a style spread around the world.
task response
The example of longyis gives the essay a real and relevant local point.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear focus, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will explain, and the conclusion returns to the main view.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • global
  • trend
  • fashion
  • style
  • fashionable
  • influencer
  • celebrity
  • brand
  • access
  • marketing
  • popular
  • worldwide
  • connect
  • showcase
  • event
  • clothing
  • culture
  • rise
  • buy
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