IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

People in all modern societies use drugs, but today’s youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example. Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society.

7.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Drug
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 has become a serious issue in many modern societies, particularly among young
people
Use synonyms
. An increasing number of
teenagers
Use synonyms
 are experimenting with both legal and illegal substances at an early age.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss some of the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem and examine its effects on individuals and society.
Body paragraph 1
One important cause of
drug
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 among young
people
Use synonyms
 is the influence of
parents
Use synonyms
 and other adults.
Teenagers
Use synonyms
 often learn behaviours by observing the
people
Use synonyms
 around them. If
parents
Use synonyms
 or other role models regularly
use
Use synonyms
 substances, young
people
Use synonyms
 may consider
this
Linking Words
 behaviour normal or acceptable. Another significant factor is peer pressure.
Teenagers
Use synonyms
 may experiment with drugs because they want to fit in with their friends or appear more mature.
In addition
Linking Words
, social media and the internet can expose young
people
Use synonyms
 to content that presents substance
use
Use synonyms
 as fashionable or harmless. Curiosity and a desire to escape academic or personal stress can
also
Linking Words
 encourage some
teenagers
Use synonyms
 to experiment.
Body paragraph 2
Widespread
drug
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 can have several negative effects.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it can damage young
people
Use synonyms
's education and future opportunities. Those who frequently
use
Use synonyms
 drugs may experience difficulties concentrating, lose motivation, or perform poorly at school.
Secondly
Linking Words
, substance
use
Use synonyms
 can negatively affect relationships with family and friends, particularly when it leads to irresponsible behaviour. More broadly, widespread
drug
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 can increase social problems and place additional pressure on healthcare and public services.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion, preventing
drug
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 among young
people
Use synonyms
 requires cooperation between
parents
Use synonyms
, schools, and governments.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should provide positive examples and communicate openly with their children,
while
Linking Words
 schools should educate students about the risks of substance
use
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, peer pressure, adult behaviour, social media, and personal difficulties are among the main causes of youth
drug
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
. Its effects can harm education, relationships, and wider society, making prevention and early education extremely important.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both parts of the task: you explain causes and effects. To make the ideas stronger, add one clear real-life example for a cause and one for an effect. For example, show how a child may copy a parent who drinks or smokes, or how drug use may lead to missed school days.
task response
Your causes are clear, but some are given in a list. Choose fewer key causes and explain each one a little more. This will help the reader see why peer pressure, stress, and adult example can lead to drug use.
task response
The effects are relevant, especially school problems, family problems, and pressure on public help. You could also explain the link more fully: poor focus may cause low school results, which can limit work choices later.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, causes, effects, your view, and conclusion. Keep this strong plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are easy to follow. You use words such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'In addition', and 'In conclusion' well. Try not to use too many list links in one paragraph; use short explanation after each main point.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraph about prevention is useful, but the task asks mainly for causes and effects. You could make this paragraph shorter, or add more detail to the effects before giving your view.
task response
You stay on the topic throughout and give clear causes as well as clear effects of drug use among young people.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to understand, such as parent example, peer pressure, stress, school harm, and family problems.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one clear job, so the reader can follow your ideas with ease.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly says what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion brings the main ideas together well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • experimenting with drugs
  • legal and illegal substances
  • increasing availability
  • relaxed regulations
  • glamorizes drug use
  • popular culture
  • peer pressure
  • parental guidance
  • lack of supervision
  • familial history of substance abuse
  • mental health issues
  • academic performance
  • criminal activities
  • fund their habits
  • entrenching in the criminal world
  • strain relationships
  • breakdowns in communication
  • cycle of abuse and neglect
What to do next:
Look at other essays: