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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Some people believe that theatres and
cinemas
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 in modern internet age have become an obsolete due the accessibility of
content
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 delivery system and cost effectiveness .
While
Linking Words
, others believe that
cinemas
Use synonyms
 still hold the cultural and econmical value as before the internet.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and conclude an opinion
at the end
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, many people prefer to stay at the comfort of their home to enjoy a good entertainment
content
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. Nowadys, many organization like, Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, HBO Max, Peacock, Disney Plus, etc, have vast majority of options even, the access of
content
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 through any device is more favorable.
For example
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, someone with a tight schedule can squeze watching a
movie
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,
while
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 working out in a gym.
In Addition
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 to
this
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, many streaming platform delivery have cutdown on commute costs and, increasingly made it more accessible for people to enjoy the
content
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the cultural and econmic importance of
cinemas
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 is too significant to ignore. The
cinema
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 goers don't only benefit the a single handly the
cinema
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 but,
also
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 the other business in the proximity economically.
For example
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, a person plans a date at the
cinema
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 and after the
movie
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, they plan to have a meal somewhere close, which not only benefits
just
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
cinema
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 but
also
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 the
resturant
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 economically.
In Addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
 ,a
movie
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 ticket is less expensive than the rolling basis costs of the entertainment streaming platforms.
Furthermore
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, watching a
movie
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 at
cinema
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 with friends is better than watching at home alone for a person's social circle.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 online streaming service presents itself as an innovative service with increased accessibility of entertainment, but
cinemas
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also
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 has huge advantages as they bring cultural and economic importance. In my view, conventional
cinemas
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 will always stay revelant even in the age of online digital strreaming platforms.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain why online viewing may make cinemas less needed, not only more easy and cheap.
task response
Your points about local shops and social time are useful. Add one more clear cultural point, such as cinemas bringing people together to see new films or local films.
task response
Some claims need more care. A cinema ticket is not always cheaper than a streaming plan, so say that this can be true for people who watch only one film now and then.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first online viewing, then cinemas, then your view. Keep this simple four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one main idea, then explain it fully before moving to the next idea. The first body part mixes comfort, device use, time, and travel cost too quickly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Do not put a comma after words such as 'While' at the start, and avoid repeating 'In addition to this' in each part.
coherence and cohesion
Make the final part more direct: state that cinemas will stay important because of shared social and cultural events, even though online services are more easy to use.
task response
You answer every part of the question by covering online services, the value of cinemas, and your own view.
task response
The date-night example clearly shows how cinemas can also help nearby food places and other local business.
coherence and cohesion
The use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' makes the two views easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending returns to the main question and gives a clear final view.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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