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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

7.0 / 9
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Introduction
Recently,
people
Use synonyms
 have longer life expectancies in many nations. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that they create many issues for governments,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective and they believe that it is beneficial for having increased number of old
people
Use synonyms
 in society. I agree with the latter view, and I strongly believe the advantages are way more than the drawbacks for raising of ageing of individuals.
Body paragraph 1
There is no doubt that the growth of elderly
people
Use synonyms
 brings some issues to our society.
This
Linking Words
 is because the increased demand for employment or a pension for living, but the support from governments is limited.
For example
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, a person over 65 would refuse to retire, because he still needs the job for living, but his strength and ability are not suitable to serve as before. They
also
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 take over jobs from the youth.
In addition
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, they are fragile to keep working, which is unsafe.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, even with these countless drawbacks, active older
people
Use synonyms
 are beneficial for both their families and society. They could stay away from certain employment
that is
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 highly physically demanding.
Instead
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, they could help young couples to take care of their grandchildren. Of course, they are welcome to share experiences in the work environment.
For instance
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, some strong, aged folks spend one day a week as a salesman in grocery stores or daycares. These activities keep them happy and connected with others, which is crucial for their retirement lives.
Conclusion
In conclusion, problems of having those old individuals exist, but I strongly believe that they deserve a wise plan to help them to contribute their experiences and residual abilities, and they would be very happy to be needed.

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task response
Give a clearer answer to the main question. Say why the good points are greater than the bad points, then compare them in each main part.
task response
Your first main part has a useful bad point about jobs and money for old people. But explain more clearly how this creates a problem for the government, such as more money for care and pensions.
task response
The good points need stronger support. Help with children and work experience are useful, but show how these points help the whole country, not only one family.
task response
Use more careful examples. The example about old people working in shops or day care is not fully clear because it may also take work from young people. Explain why this work is right for them.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the link between the bad and good points more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with one clear main idea. Then give a reason, an example, and a short result. This will make each part easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. For example, after saying old people may take jobs from young people, the next sentence says they are not safe at work. Explain the link, or make these two separate points.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'As a result'. Do not use 'countless drawbacks' before a part that gives only a small number of bad points.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and clearly state your own view in the opening and closing parts.
task response
You use relevant ideas, such as pensions, jobs, child care, and work experience.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as three main parts: an opening, points against, points for, and a closing.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'For example', 'In addition', and 'However' help the reader follow your ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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