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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that economic growth is the only way to reduce poverty and hunger, while others argue that economic growth can harm the environment. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 think that the only method to overcome
poverty
Use synonyms
 is
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 economic
growth
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.
However
Linking Words
, others argue that economic expansion can lead to
harmful
Correct article usage
a harmful
show examples
 impact on the environment. In my opinion, both perspectives are equally important, but economic development has
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 significant affect
due to
Linking Words
 it can create
jobs
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 and
raises
Wrong verb form
raise
show examples
 individuals'
income
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it is believed by some
people
Use synonyms
 that the economy should witness
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
growth
Use synonyms
 in order to reduce the most common social issues that
people
Use synonyms
faced
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
 in different parts of the world.
Body paragraph 2
In fact,
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who
struggled
Wrong verb form
struggle
show examples
 from
poverty
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 and hunger should only be achieved by economic recovery in
such
Linking Words
 a society.
Body paragraph 3
For example
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 economic
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growth
Add a comma
growth,
show examples
 many companies can create
Use synonyms
jobs
Check wording
job
show examples
 opportunities, which may lead to many poor families
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 equal chances and
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a reasonable
income
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 to overcome
poverty
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.
Body paragraph 4
As a result
Linking Words
, economic
growth
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 is essential to reduce common social problems
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 by providing
jobs
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 and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
families
Check wording
families'
show examples
 annual
income
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.
Body paragraph 5
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue that economic expansion may lead to irreversible affect to the environment.
In other words
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 expansion
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 more
uses
Check wording
use
show examples
 of resources
such
Linking Words
 as factories and cars
all
Punctuation problem
, all
show examples
these
Correct pronoun usage
of which
show examples
 can produce and burn
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 amount of fossil fuels.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, increasing the economic demand can
lead eventually
Correct word order
eventually lead
show examples
 to air pollution
due to
Linking Words
 heavily use of cars.
Therefore
Linking Words
, increasing the economic will make factories and vehicles highly in demand, and that will lead to more produce venicies nigniy in demand, and that will lead to more produce of carbon dioxide emissions.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 economic recovery has certain drawbacks
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as air pollution,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
most
significantly
Punctuation problem
significantly,
show examples
 it can create
jobs
Use synonyms
 and a high
income
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 poor families who suffer from
poverty
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Discuss both sides in more depth. Explain how growth can cut poverty, but also why it may hurt the natural world.
task response
Make your own view more clear. You say both sides matter, but then say growth matters more. State that growth should happen in a clean and safe way.
task response
Give one clear real example. For example, new work in a town can raise pay, while more coal power can make the air less clean.
task response
Avoid saying growth is the only way to end poverty. Other help, such as food aid, health care, and school, can also help poor people.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part shape is clear: start, first side, second side, and end. Keep this shape, but make each body part focus on one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words with care, such as “First”, “For example”, “However”, and “As a result”. Do not repeat “economic growth” too many times; use “this growth” or “it” when clear.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are too long or unfinished. Write shorter sentences, especially in the second body part.
coherence and cohesion
Remove repeated ideas in the last part of body two. Say once that more factories and cars can burn more fuel and cause more air pollution.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give your own view.
task response
You use a useful example about jobs and higher pay for poor families.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” help show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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