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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today People have unhealthy diets and do not exercise. What do you think why it is. What are the reasons? suggest some solution for solving this situation.

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Introduction
The issue that many
people
Use synonyms
 eat unhealthy diets and do not exercise has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that many
people
Use synonyms
 have
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that it is not essential to have
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits,I firmly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should take
care
Use synonyms
 of their
health
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.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate that
people
Use synonyms
 should have
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle and should take
care
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 of
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 argue that many diseases come from bad
food
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 .
For instance
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,if a boy always eats from
retuarants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
,he might get poisoned.
In addition
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 recent years,many
people
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 do not exercise ,which
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 their fitness.
For example
Linking Words
,if a girl goes to the gym regularly,she will
has
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a fit body and good
health
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that it is a waste of time to take
care
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about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
health
Use synonyms
 emphasise that the bad
food
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not impact their
health
Use synonyms
 and the exercises
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not matter because they are too young .
For example
Linking Words
,if a girl eats a diet
food
Use synonyms
 and have empasion on her
health
Use synonyms
,she may feel that the
food
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 is boring and tasteless because it is not delicious.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,the main cause that
people
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 are not
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on their
health
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
because
Verb problem
is that
show examples
 they lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
awareness.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
Linking Words
 there are valid arguments on both sides,I firmly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should take
care
Use synonyms
 of their
health
Use synonyms
 .The reasons outlined above clearly
that
Verb problem
show that
show examples
 the unhealthy diet and a lack of
exercises
Check wording
exercise
show examples
 have a big impact on
Use synonyms
people live
Check wording
people's lives
show examples
.

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task response
Answer all parts of the question. Explain why people eat bad food and do not work out, then give clear ways to help. Do not spend much time on whether health is important.
task response
Use main reasons such as busy work, cheap fast food, phones, long sitting time, and a lack of health facts. Then give matching answers, such as healthy food at school, safe parks, and time for sport at work.
task response
Make your examples more real and clear. A boy getting poisoned by restaurant food is not a common reason for bad diets. Show how fast food, sugar, and no movement can cause health problems over time.
task response
Your view is clear, but the ideas need more detail. Say why each reason matters and how each answer can work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main parts, and an ending. However, the second main part does not fit the question well. Write one part for reasons and one part for solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a clear way: "First", "Also", "As a result", and "To solve this". Do not use "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" unless you are truly comparing two views.
coherence and cohesion
Check word links and sentence form. For example, write "their health", "affects fitness", "have a fit body", "people are not focused", and "people's lives".
task response
You clearly say that people should care for their health, and you give examples about food and exercise.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear paragraph breaks and has both an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking phrases such as "For instance", "In addition", and "To sum up", which helps show the order of your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • processed foods
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • digital entertainment
  • balanced diet
  • exacerbates
  • implement policies
  • active transportation
  • promote availability
  • affordability
  • innovative technological solutions
  • motivate
  • awareness
  • dietary habits
  • exercise routines
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