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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that social media has a negative impact on young people’s mental health. Others think that it helps young people communicate and express themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Social
networks
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 today are part of our daily lives, making life easier and providing us with unlimited information
,
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;
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however
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, they
also
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 systematically impact our minds.
While
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 some highlight the communicative and expressive potential of these, others emphasise the harmful side of social
media
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 when it comes to mental health. In
this
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 essay, I will address both positions before offering my personal opinion.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, no one can deny the extent of information and diffusion that
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 popular social
networks
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 have. Access to academic resources, remote courses, and online spaces for entrepreneurs
,
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apply
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 highly beneficial for those who use social
media
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 for a productive or academic purpose.
For example
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, many people of humble background, thanks to social
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media
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media,
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 have created businesses, brands, or even channels of diffusion to help others.
Furthermore
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, social
media
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 offers a sense of openness, and thanks to its limitless reach, it is possible to feel less isolated, as one can connect with like-minded people even if they are on the other side of the world.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, hate speech, psychopaths, and a human dimension beyond any control circulate within
this
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 space of limitless information. Even if we use social
media
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 wisely, just being connected
on
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to
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 it generates anxiety and affects people’s subjectivity. A study by the University of California shows that 6 out of 10 adolescents reported feeling dissatisfied with their lives, largely attributable to the effect that social
media
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 on the expectations of younger adults. In
this
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 sense, I believe that the individual’s criterion is not sufficient to avoid being influenced by social
networks
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. The point is that social
networks
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 are not bad in themselves, but they systematically reinforce us with a skewed view of the
world
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world,
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 added with a factor of addiction and lack of control, which clearly results in damage to mental health, especially for younger people.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, social
networks
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 are an extremely useful tool when there is a clear purpose
,
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;
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however
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, the lack of regulation in what is shown and reproduced
,
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apply
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 will always affect us negatively, because it shows us a biased and distorted image of the world and of ourselves

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view clearly. To make the answer stronger, keep each main point closer to young people’s mental health. The first body part talks a lot about work, study, and business, but explain more directly how these uses help young people feel heard, supported, or less alone.
task response
Your opinion is clear: social media can help, but its harm is often greater. State this choice in one short, direct sentence near the end of the first paragraph, so the reader knows your view from the start.
task response
The example about people from poor homes making businesses is relevant to social media, but it is not a very close example for the main question. Add a more direct example, such as a young person finding a support group or sharing art and getting kind feedback.
task response
Be careful with the study claim. If you give a study, make sure it is exact and clearly linked to the point. You can also explain the cause: young people compare their real lives with the best parts of other people’s lives online.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, one side, the other side, and end. Keep this good plan, and make the first sentence of each body paragraph show the exact main idea of that paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas in the second body paragraph are packed into long sentences. Split them into shorter sentences. This will make the link between anxiety, false pictures of life, addiction, and poor mental health easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “Furthermore”, and “On the other hand” work well. However, do not join full sentences with only a comma before “however”; use a full stop or a semicolon instead.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph repeats the idea of harm well, but it could be more balanced and direct. Restate that social media is helpful when used with care, while rules, time limits, and adult help can reduce harm for young people.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain the helpful side, the harmful side, and your own view.
task response
Your ideas about feeling less alone and being able to meet people with the same interests are clear and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraph order is easy to follow, and the use of “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” clearly separates the two views.
coherence and cohesion
The ending returns to your main view and gives the essay a clear close.
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