IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some experts belive that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at a primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays, most of the scientists believe that starting to learn a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 in primary school is better than when they grow up,
whereas
Linking Words
 other people find that it is more complex for children at the beginning of their lives.
Although
Linking Words
 learning
two
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
 at an early age has certain drawbacks, I believe its advantages outweigh them, particularly because
students
Use synonyms
 will be able to master a new
language
Use synonyms
 faster and more
accuracy
Replace the word
accurately
.
Body paragraph 1
On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, many individuals have found that learning another
language
Use synonyms
 at primary school has disadvantages, and
one
Use synonyms
 of those is that
students
Use synonyms
 may struggle to separate their native
language
Use synonyms
 from the second
one
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because numerous
languages
Use synonyms
 have similar grammar and words, so they might face difficult challenges.
For example
Linking Words
, recent research has shown that
students
Use synonyms
 who start learning
two
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
 are more vulnerable to making mistakes in their native
language
Use synonyms
 .
Consequently
Linking Words
, they are threatened
to lose
Change preposition
with losing
show examples
 their fluency in their first
language
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a substantial proportion of experts have observed that mastering
two
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
 before joining a secondary school has a lot of benefits.
One
Use synonyms
 of its main benefits is that these
students
Use synonyms
 are able to cultivate their skills earlier than their peers and become smarter compared to them
owing
Punctuation problem
, owing
show examples
 to the information that they will receive, which is really complex for someone at
this
Linking Words
 age.
In addition
Linking Words
, these skills that they have received can improve their performance in the education journey.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are many opinions
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 topic ,and many people see that learning
two
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
 early has a negative effect on the
students
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I think that teaching
two
Use synonyms
languages
Use synonyms
 to
students
Use synonyms
 is better at an early age
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that the more
languages
Use synonyms
 they master, the more skills they acquire.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clear answer in the first part: say that the good points are stronger than the bad points. Keep this same view in each main part and in the end.
task response
Explain the good points more fully. The key idea is that young children can learn sounds and words more easily. Show why this is a real gain later in school, work, and life.
task response
Your main good point about children becoming smarter is too broad. Use a more direct point, such as better speech, more time to practise, or better chances for future study and work.
task response
The example about harm to the first language is not fully clear or well supported. Add a simple, real example, or explain that this risk can be reduced when schools give enough time to both languages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: start, one bad point, one good point, and end. Make the two main parts more even by giving the good side more detail, because it is your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links to show cause and result. For example: “As a result, children have more years to practise,” or “This means that they can use the language with more ease.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. In the second main part, do not move quickly from language learning to being smarter and then to school work. Build one chain of ideas and give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Use words in a more exact way. For example, write “more accurately” instead of “more accuracy,” “may lose fluency” instead of “are threatened to lose,” and “at primary school” instead of “at an early age” when you mean school time.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and clearly state that the good points are stronger.
task response
You include a possible bad point and a possible good point, so the reader can see your line of thought.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because you use “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion.”
coherence and cohesion
Your opening and ending both give your view, which helps the essay feel complete.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: