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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

High school students should be required to do unpaid community service in their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that secondary school
students
Use synonyms
 should be required to do free society service in their free time. I strongly believe
this
Linking Words
 can benefit both the
students
Use synonyms
 to develop their working skills, and the country to be a better place to live in.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
students
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 could develop their working skills by engaging in the working environment.
In other words
Linking Words
, interacting with different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
people
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 could teach them how to manage difficult circumstances.
For example
Linking Words
, they could work in a place that has a lot of stress
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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 fast food restaurant.
As a result
Linking Words
, after they finish
working
Punctuation problem
working,
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 they will know how to manage crucial situations, and
this
Linking Words
 can give them multiple job skills that would
easy
Replace the word
ease
 their future career.
Conclusion
In addition
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, the issues that
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
show examples
 with
people
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 being free most of their time will decrease. What I mean by
that is
Linking Words
people
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 being busy will lead to
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 mental problems that can convert to crimes that would
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 the community.
For instance
Linking Words
,
teenagers conflict
Check wording
teenagers' conflicts
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 with each other could decrease
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot simply because they are
being
Wrong verb form
apply
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busy working and exhausted after they finish their working hours.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the country will be a better place to live in. In conclusion, I believe that
students
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 can benefit from required working hours that would increase their level
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 knowledge, and the community will be better in the future.

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task response
Give a clearer answer to the word “required”. You agree, but also say why this rule is fair and how schools can make sure it does not take too much free time.
task response
Your first main point is clear: service can help students learn work skills. Make the link stronger by using a community service job, such as helping at a food bank, a park, or a care home, not a paid job in a fast-food place.
task response
Your second main point needs more care. The idea that free time causes mental health problems and crime is too broad. Say instead that service can give students a useful way to spend time and can help the local area.
task response
Add one short point about the community. For example, students can help old people, clean public places, or support young children. This will answer both parts of your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: state your view in the first paragraph, give one reason in each body paragraph, then restate your view at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your link words, such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, and “For example”, help the reader. Keep using them, but make sure the next sentence directly proves the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hard to follow. Break them into two shorter sentences. This will make your ideas more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “working” and “busy”. Use simple words such as “service”, “help”, “time”, and “local area” when they fit the meaning.
task response
You clearly state that you agree, and you give two main reasons for your view.
task response
You try to use examples, which helps make your ideas less general.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
The main ideas are in a logical order: first students, then the wider community.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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