IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowadays, many people believe that occupations
such
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 as doctors and engineers who demand formal professional training should
work
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 in the
country
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 where they did their training.
However
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, I think everyone has the freedom to choose where they
work
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. So, I believe that they should be free to
work
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 in another
country
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 if they wish.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, doctors and engineers allow to choose where they
work
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 brings several benefits for both
workers
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 and
this
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country
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.
Firstly
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, free in to choose
country
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 helps meet needs of
workers
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,
such
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 as higher salaries, better working conditions, a higher standard of living, or simply they want to live close to their family. When they are satisfied with their working environments, they can
work
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 more effectively and contribute more to society.
Secondly
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,
this
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 movement helps decrease employment pressure in major cities. In many development
country
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, big cities are overcrowded with job seekers, leading to severe competition. If some professionals choose to
work
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 in
other
Correct determiner usage
another
show examples
 city, it reduces the pressure on local job markets and infrastructure.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the movement of many skilled
workers
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 can create a shortage of experts in their home countries. To solve
this
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 issue, governments should adopt better benefit policies to keep high-performing
workers
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instead
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 of forcing them to stay.
For instance
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, offering higher wages, modern working equipment, and clear career development paths will encourage doctors and engineers to remain and
work
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 for their nation voluntarily.
Conclusion
In conclusion, freedom to choose where to
work
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 give more benefits as meets the needs of
workers
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 and decreases employment pressure in major city.
However
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, the government should adopt better benefits policies to keep high-performing
workers
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.

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task response
You give a clear view: doctors and engineers should be free to work in other countries. However, the first main paragraph does not fully discuss the other view. Explain why some people think trained workers should stay, for example because the country pays for their study and needs doctors in its own hospitals.
task response
Make your reasons more exact. The point about less job pressure in big cities is not closely linked to working in another country. Replace it with a point about jobs abroad helping people gain new skills, earn more money, or send money home.
task response
Add one clear real or possible example. For example, a doctor who studies with public money may be asked to work in a small town for two years, where there are too few doctors.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Make the two views easier to see. Use the first body paragraph only for the view that workers should stay, and use the second body paragraph for your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the order of ideas: “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “Therefore”. Make sure each sentence follows clearly from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because key words are missing. For example, write “Allowing doctors and engineers to choose where they work brings benefits to both workers and countries” instead of “doctors and engineers allow to choose where they work brings several benefits”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same focus in each paragraph. In paragraph one, you move from working in another country to moving to another city. Choose one idea and develop it fully.
task response
You answer the question and clearly state your own view in both the start and the end.
task response
You give useful reasons for worker freedom, such as better pay, better work conditions, and being near family.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall shape with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “For instance”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionals
  • doctors
  • engineers
  • required
  • training
  • home country
  • cultural
  • linguistic
  • advantages
  • economic impact
  • free
  • another country
  • globalization
  • international collaboration
  • improving
  • skills
  • knowledge
  • experience
  • opinion
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