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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people have decided to reduce the number of times they fly every year or to stop flying altogther. Do you think the environmental benefits of this development outweigh the disadvantages for individuals and businesses?

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Introduction
There are a lot of people who
made
Verb problem
have made
show examples
 a choice to either minimise the number of
flights
Use synonyms
 they
are doing
Verb problem
take
show examples
 per year or stop flying
at all
Correct your spelling
altogether
. At one hand, it might seem as a positive environmental point.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 it might give a negative outcome
fore
Correct your spelling
for
 some individuals and
busenesses
Correct your spelling
businesses
.
Body paragraph 1
At first glance
reducing
Punctuation problem
, reducing
show examples
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
flights
Use synonyms
 solves
planty
Correct your spelling
plenty
 of environmental issues. No one would contest the fact that
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 are powered by a massive amount of
patrol
Check wording
pollution
show examples
, which
cosequently
Correct your spelling
consequently
 creates gases
which leeds
Correct subject-verb agreement
that lead
show examples
 to air
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
.
Body paragraph 2
The other problem is sound
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
 created by
airoports
Correct your spelling
airports
. Each day
a
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 hundreds of
take offs
Correct your spelling
take-offs
 are
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
, during
this
Linking Words
 process
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
lound
Correct your spelling
loud
 noise is produced.
This
Linking Words
 can negatively affect the
bio sphera
Correct your spelling
biosphere
 around
airoport
Correct your spelling
an airport
 and make a
harmfull
Correct your spelling
harmful
 impact on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 nearby.
Body paragraph 3
However
Linking Words
,
flights
Use synonyms
 are
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
show examples
 part of companies and
individuals life
Check wording
individuals' lives
show examples
.
Aircrafts
Check wording
Aircraft
show examples
 are one of the most efficient ways to distribute most of the products
construccted
Correct your spelling
constructed
 around the world. In case
flights
Use synonyms
will
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
stop altogether, prices on a majority of products will increase
dramaticaly
Correct your spelling
dramatically
, and what is
more
Punctuation problem
more,
show examples
 some groceries might vanish
compleatly
Correct your spelling
completely
.
Flights
Use synonyms
 will be changed
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 ground and water transportation.
Due to
Linking Words
 more distance, delivery will become more expensive, which will
consequently
Linking Words
 impact the price of most of the products. In
adition
Correct your spelling
addition
 to
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 a lot of people will not be able to travel long distances. If for someone it will be just uncomfortable, others will not manage their work on time, so more companies will suffer.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, even if reducing
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
flights
Use synonyms
 might seem to have a positive outcome,
i belive
Correct your spelling
I believe
 that disadvantages outweigh
benefiths
Correct your spelling
benefits
 for both individuals and businesses.

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task response
Give a clearer answer in the first paragraph. Say that the good for the environment does not outweigh the bad for people and business.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how less flying can cut air pollution, then explain why this change may not fully solve the problem.
task response
Use one clear, real-type example. For example, say how a small food business may pay more to move fresh food by road or sea.
task response
Be careful with very strong claims, such as saying that food may disappear. Explain why this may happen, or use softer words such as 'may be harder to get'.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: environment first, then people and business. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph start with one direct main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly with simple words such as 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'As a result', and 'For this reason'.
coherence and cohesion
The second body paragraph has many ideas at once: prices, food, travel, work, and companies. Split it into two paragraphs or focus on fewer ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the final paragraph match your main points. Restate the two main disadvantages and clearly say why they are greater than the environmental good.
task response
You answer both parts of the question by discussing the environment and the effects on people and businesses.
task response
Your main view is clear in the final paragraph: you think the disadvantages are greater.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs well and include an opening, two main parts, and a final paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The word 'However' helps show a clear change from the environmental side to the other side.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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