IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

People these days watch TV, films and other programs alone rather than with other people. Do this advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

2.0 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 would enjoy their
time
Use synonyms
 watching
Tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
show examples
 shows by themselves,
while
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
 think
this
Linking Words
 idea back with disadvantages and feel better
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the whole family
present
Verb problem
is present
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the same place.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, it is believed by some
people
Use synonyms
 that watching TV series and movies
lonely
Use the right word
alone
show examples
 can provide satisfuction,
furthermore
Linking Words
, some adults would watch movies in
calm
Correct article usage
a calm
show examples
 atmosphere
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 in fact, talking
while
Linking Words
 watching is something
unprohibated
Correct your spelling
unprohibited
. A study from New York University concluded that 60% of teenagers and
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 would rather complete serie in one night rather than divide it
throughout
Change preposition
over
show examples
 a long duration.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 character guide to pass
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and have montal thesis.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 have
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 way to enjoy night
event
Check wording
events
show examples
 and adore family movies
,
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
in addition
Linking Words
, the old generation
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the
most parts
Check wording
one
show examples
 that defends the family collection and events celebration
,
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 method help parent to know the
needing
Replace the word
needs
 of
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 children, enjoy good memories and learn
time
Use synonyms
dividing
Use the right word
management
show examples
, and always keep the family together.
Conclusion
In
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the usage of devices would be controlled and so the family
members behavior
Check wording
members' behaviour
show examples
,
furthermore
Linking Words
, it is necessary to
pass
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 a
buch
Correct your spelling
lot
 of
time
Use synonyms
 with
other
Replace the word
others
while
Linking Words
 enjoying free
time
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph: say if the good points are more important than the bad points. Your essay talks about both sides, but it does not clearly say which side you choose.
task response
Explain the good and bad points in more detail. For example, watching alone may give peace and choice, but it may also make family time less common. Then say why one side is stronger.
task response
Use examples that directly help your main idea. The New York study is not fully explained, and it does not clearly show why watching alone is better or worse.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction with your answer, one paragraph for good points, one paragraph for bad points, and a conclusion that repeats your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Keep all the next sentences about that idea. Some sentences now are hard to follow because they bring in new ideas too quickly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “First”, “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” can help, but make sure the sentence after each one has a clear link to the last sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make your conclusion clear. Do not add a new idea about controlling devices. Instead, state again whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and give one short reason.
task response
You discuss both watching alone and watching with family, so you understand the two sides of the question.
task response
You try to include a study and family examples, which shows an effort to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposts, such as “First of all”, “Secondly”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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