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Writing Samples
Band 3

When people commit serious crime in most countries, they are sent to prison. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this approach?

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Introduction
Nowdays
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Nowadays
, countries try to
focuse
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focus
 more
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 future, so they put strict
rules
Use synonyms
 if you try to make any
mistake
Punctuation problem
mistake,
show examples
 you will be in prison, some socitey think it is a good idea,
while
Linking Words
another
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 disagree, in
this
Linking Words
 assay we will
disgase
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discuss
 the two
opinion
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opinions
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, if a
country
Use synonyms
put
Correct subject-verb agreement
puts
show examples
 strict
rules
Use synonyms
 for everyone the crimes
while
Linking Words
 digrase, the main
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 is to save
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 lives
, imagine
Punctuation problem
. Imagine
show examples
 if anyone can
make
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 any crime and there is no reaction from the
governmant
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government
, everyone
Linking Words
while
Use the right word
would
show examples
 take it easily
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
show examples
 most
importent
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important
 thing
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 making
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard
rules
Use synonyms
 for crimes is to let
tenagers
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teenagers
 know how
horrobile
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horrible
 it is.
and
Capitalize the word
And
show examples
 no one
while
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visit
Wrong verb form
visiting
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
beacause
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because
 of the
digrase
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disgrace
 of
safty
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safety
, that mean our economic growth
Linking Words
while
Use the right word
will
show examples
 be
lowier
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lower
 than other countries،
for example
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,
china
Capitalize the proper name
China
show examples
 is the
most safity
Replace the word
safest
country
Use synonyms
 in the whole world
, everyone travel to china
Correct word order
. Everyone travels to China to
show examples
 talk about
they
Correct word choice
how they
show examples
 put
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 phones in random stories
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 no one stole it, which make china a amazing place to visit.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if anyone
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 any mistake he will go to prison, it mean most of the people will be in prison, and we will make
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
scared about the
governmant
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government
rules
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, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 our
soceity
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society
 less
respactofal
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respectful
.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, we should be
balence
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balanced
 between how we see
this
Linking Words
 action
is it
Correct word order
, whether it is
show examples
 a serious crime or
simple
Correct article usage
a simple
show examples
 mistake,
saftey
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safety
 is the most
importent
Correct your spelling
important
 thing in every
country
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. You show that prison can make a country safer, but it can also make people afraid. Add more about the bad side of prison, such as high cost, loss of jobs, or people coming out of prison and doing crime again.
task response
Make your main idea more clear. The question is about serious crime, not every small mistake. Say that prison is for very bad crime, while small wrong acts may need a fine, help, or other forms of punishment.
task response
Your China example is useful because it shows how safety can help travel and money. Explain it more clearly: strong law may make visitors feel safe, so more people may come and spend money.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one paragraph on good points, one paragraph on bad points, then a short ending. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main sentence. For example: “One good point of prison is that it can stop serious crime.” Then give your reason and example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Try “First”, “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Do not repeat “if anyone” many times.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and hard to understand. Write shorter sentences with one main idea in each sentence. This will also help you avoid unclear links between ideas.
task response
You give a direct view of both the good and bad sides of sending people to prison.
task response
You use a real-world example about China to support your point about safety and travel.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “for example”, and “Overall” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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