IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet. They say the only way to make the internet safe is for the government to censor the content of websites. To what extent do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

5.0 / 9
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Introduction
It is believed that the
government
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 should ban and have
control
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 over inappropriate
content
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 online
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 in order to make the
internet
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 a safe space and protect users from harmful
content
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.
While
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i
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I
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 agree that the
government
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 must restrict harmful and illegal material, I believe that complete restriction and
control
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 of the
internet
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 is an overreach of freedom and expression.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
government
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control
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 over the
internet
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 is one way of shielding citizens
of
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from
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 illegal activities and harmful
content
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. Unrestricted
internet
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 access leads to cyber bullying, hate and terrorism speech, and fraudulent activities, all of which can be
a harm
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harmful
 to individuals and society. Without any restrictions of usage of the
internet
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, platforms that deal with finances,
as well as
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 private tech
companies
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companies,
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 can be easily hacked.
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, state intervention and strict laws are crucial, in order to remove unwanted and dangerous material,
such
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 as child exploitation, terrorism
campagins
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campaigns
, and public threats.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, having the
government
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 take complete
control
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 over
internet
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content
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 could
also
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 be a risk to society. If the
government
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was
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were
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 to have total power over what information is available to the public, there is a significant chance that it would be abused. They will start blocking political opinions, bad news that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them look bad, or people who
critisize
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criticise
 them. In some countries, during elections, social media that refers to politics is restricted,
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therefore
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apply
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citizens can't form opinions through the
internet
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 or
organize
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organise
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 protests.
Instead
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 of the
government
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 taking complete action, citizens should be
tought
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taught
 how to spot fake news by themselves, or let them use personal filters or parental
control
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are some topics that the
government
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 should have
control
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 over,
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however
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apply
show examples
complete
control
Use synonyms
 would be an overreach of power, and they should
instead
Linking Words
 focus on public education on safety measures.

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task response
Your view is clear: the state should stop illegal and harmful posts, but should not control all online information. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully where you draw the line. For example, say who should decide what is illegal and how people can question a wrong ban.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic and you give useful examples, such as child abuse, fraud, and limits on political posts. Add one more short, real or clear example to show how a limited rule can protect people without stopping free speech.
task response
Be careful with very broad claims. Saying that firms can be hacked because there are no limits on internet use is not fully clear. Explain the link, or use a closer example, such as scams, hate posts, or posts that tell people how to harm others.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, one side, the other side, and an end. Keep this plan, but begin each body part with a more direct main point. This will help the reader see your line of thought at once.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use phrases such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” well. Add simple links inside paragraphs, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “However”, to make each idea move more smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences have more than one idea and become hard to follow. Break them into two shorter sentences. For example, first state the risk of full state control, then state how it may be used to block views that the state does not like.
coherence and cohesion
Make your key words more exact and use them in the same way. “Control”, “ban”, “restriction”, and “censor” are close in meaning but not always the same. Say “limited control of illegal content” when that is your main point.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give a clear, balanced view. Your position stays the same from the opening to the end.
task response
You use relevant examples of harmful online content and explain why some state action is needed.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are placed in a clear order, with one paragraph for each side of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly restates your main view and gives a sensible final focus on public learning and safety.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Censorship
  • Freedom of expression
  • Hate speech
  • Misinformation
  • Extremism
  • Regulations
  • Cyberbullying
  • Self-regulation
  • Transparency
  • Vulnerable groups
  • Algorithms
  • Digital culture
  • Personal freedoms
  • Illegal content
  • Internet safety
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