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Band 6.5

the number of students that read books for fun has dropped dramatically in recent years.What are the reasons and how can we encourage children to read more?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is often argued that, in recent years, interest in reading books has significantly decreased among young people. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss some reasons for
this
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 decline and give some suggestions about how we can encourage the younger generation to continue
this
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 good
habit
Punctuation problem
habit,
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 because reading can enhance their imagination and alleviate stress.
Body paragraph 1
One of the most prevalent problems is social media.
Children
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 consistently use social media platforms
such
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 as YouTube, Facebook and Instagram,
while
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 spending a considerable amount of time watching short videos and playing video games
can
Correct pronoun usage
, which can
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 lead to a reduced attention span among young people. Another major reason is increased academic pressure. Students keep themselves busy with schoolwork and homework, leaving less time for reading.
Furthermore
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, a lack of exposure to physical books at home and in schools
also
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 contributes to discouraging
children
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 from reading.
For example
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, recent research has shown that increased screen time among
children
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 can affect their concentration and focus.
Therefore
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, it may
also
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 negatively affect their reading habits.
Body paragraph 2
To alleviate
this
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 issue, parents and schools can promote reading by organising interactive and engaging activities,
such
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 as book clubs and reading challenges.
Moreover
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, technology can be used positively by offering e-books and audiobooks to cater to different reading preferences. Creating environments conducive to reading,
such
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 as well-equipped school libraries, cosy reading spaces at home and public library events, can
also
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 encourage young
children
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 to develop a lasting reading habit.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, social media plays a significant role in discouraging young people from engaging in leisure activities
such
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 as reading books.
However
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, parents and schools can encourage
children
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 to read by using different strategies, including engaging activities, accessible reading materials and supportive reading environments.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: why children read less and how to help them read more. To make the ideas stronger, explain each point a little more. For example, say how short videos make a long book feel slow, or how a reading club can make reading feel social and fun.
task response
Your ideas are clear and on-topic. Add one more real or clear example for the help section. For instance, a school could let children choose a book each week and talk about it with friends.
task response
Be careful with the research example. It supports the idea about screen time, but it is quite general. Make the link to reading more direct by saying that less focus makes it harder to stay with a book.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear plan: an opening, one paragraph on causes, one paragraph on help, and an ending. Keep this good shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links inside the first main paragraph. The paragraph has three causes, but each cause could be set out more clearly. You could start new sentences with phrases such as “First,” “Also,” and “Finally,” then give a short result for each one.
coherence and cohesion
Some links repeat ideas rather than move the paragraph forward. For example, the last two sentences in the first body paragraph both say that screen time harms focus and reading. Combine them or use the final sentence to sum up all the causes.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the words for the group the same. You use “young people,” “students,” “children,” and “the younger generation.” These are close in meaning, but choosing “children” or “students” more often will make the essay feel more connected.
task response
You give several clear causes: social media, school work, and not having books at home or school. You also give useful ways to help, such as book clubs, e-books, and good library spaces.
task response
The ending gives a clear summary of both the problem and the ways to help. It stays focused on the main question.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main job, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well in many places, such as “Furthermore,” “For example,” “Moreover,” and “However.”
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dramatically
  • leisure reading
  • digital distractions
  • reduced attention span
  • academic pressure
  • exposure
  • digital learning resources
  • interactive activities
  • diverse book selections
  • ebooks and audiobooks
  • reading preferences
  • role models
  • conducive
  • well-equipped
  • underprivileged communities
  • mobile libraries
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