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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that it is necessary to possess talent to become a successful sportsperson. Others, however, believe that hard work and practice are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
There is an ongoing debate regarding the qualities
require
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
for
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
 sportperson, there are dual opinions
, a number of
Punctuation problem
; some
show examples
 individuals say that
talent
Use synonyms
 is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
some
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 others believe that hard work and
practice
Use synonyms
 are
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
essential. Prior to my stance, both
the point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
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 of
views
Check wording
view
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 will be
discuss
Wrong verb form
discussed
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 in the ensuing paragraphs with valid reasons and appropriate examples.
Body paragraph 1
Discussing the former view, a group of
people
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prioritize the
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 the quality of
talent
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 to obtain expertise in any
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
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 because talented
people
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 can easily achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
Use synonyms
.
Talented
Correct article usage
A talented
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 can effortlessly fathom the techniques and instructions that teach by a coach. It
also
Linking Words
 provides motivation to the
person
Use synonyms
 to be consistent for
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
,
Use synonyms
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 can get expected
outcoms
Correct your spelling
outcomes
, which
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
show examples
 to their quick
success
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.
For instance
Linking Words
,
thousand
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thousands
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 of
people
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 can try to be a successful cricketer
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 only
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 can be successful in it who are
talent
Use synonyms
 of fast
boling
Correct your spelling
bowling
 and excellent
beting
Correct your spelling
batting
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
importance to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard work and
practice
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 because they believe
practic
Replace the word
practice
 makes man perfect.
People
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 can be
expert
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experts
show examples
 in any sport through constant
hand
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hard
show examples
 work and
practice
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, which reduce
person
Use synonyms
's mistakes and increasing the individual's confidence.
Consequently
Linking Words
person
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become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 motivated to achieve their goal of
success
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. To illustrate, Many experienced and successful athletes in their
interview
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interviews
show examples
 or
podcast
Fix the agreement mistake
podcasts
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 give
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
credit
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
success
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 to the
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 and
practice
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.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, during the discussion of qualities required for
top
Correct article usage
a top
show examples
sportperson
Correct your spelling
sportsperson
, some
people
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 say
talent
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 is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others prioritize the hardwork and
practice
Use synonyms
. I firmly believe that
talent
Use synonyms
, hardwork and constant
practice
Use synonyms
 are equally important to be
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 in any sector.

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task response
You answer both sides and give your own view. However, make your main view clearer from the start. Say that talent may help at first, but hard work and daily practice are needed for long-term success.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For talent, say what it can give a player, such as quick learning, speed, or good control. For hard work, explain how training builds skill, strength, and focus over time.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. Your cricket example needs more detail: explain how a player with natural skill still needs many hours of bowling, batting, and fitness work. Do not make very broad claims about all athletes.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and conclusion. Keep this shape, but make each paragraph begin with one direct main sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words in a natural way. Use phrases such as “First,” “For example,” “As a result,” and “In contrast.” Avoid repeating “person,” “success,” and “practice” too often; use words like “athlete,” “player,” and “training.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word form problems. For example, write “qualities required for a successful sportsperson,” “both points of view will be discussed,” and “practice makes perfect.” Clear sentences will make your ideas easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match your view exactly. Instead of only saying all three are important, explain their roles: talent can offer an early advantage, while hard work and regular practice turn potential into success.
task response
You discuss both views and include your own opinion, so the main parts of the question are covered.
task response
The essay uses relevant sport examples, especially cricket and athletes speaking about their training.
coherence and cohesion
The reader can easily see where the first view, the second view, and your conclusion begin.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “On the other hand,” “Consequently,” and “To conclude.”
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • natural talent
  • competitive advantage
  • innate ability
  • intuitive understanding
  • perform under pressure
  • early recognition
  • enhance skills
  • hone skills
  • rigorous training
  • dedication
  • perseverance
  • strong work ethic
  • relentless effort
  • consistent practice
  • long-term success
  • continuous improvement
  • resilience
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