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Writing Samples
Band 5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is believed that in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future, more
people
Use synonyms
 will prefer to go on a holiday in their own
country
Use synonyms
 and not
travel
Use synonyms
 abroad on holiday. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as there are many reasons behind travelling domestically compared to travelling internationally
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend has more advantages.
Body paragraph 1
To embark on, travelling in
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 has a lot of advantages
one
Punctuation problem
, one
show examples
 of
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
travelling
Correct word choice
that travelling
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regional
Replace the word
regionally
 is easier
due to
Linking Words
 shorter
travel
Use synonyms
 time.
Also
Linking Words
travelling
Punctuation problem
, travelling
show examples
 to
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 city or
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 state will have the familiarity of surrounding.
Secondly
Linking Words
, travelling
national
Rephrase
nationally
show examples
 requires less planning
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can be flexible and
travel
Use synonyms
 spontaneously.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Indian
Replace the word
India
 promotes
to
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 “Incredible India” campaign
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 showcases diverse attractions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is named “Dekho apna desh”. To be more
specific
Punctuation problem
specific,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 campaign promotes the Domestic tourism by encouraging citizens to explore their own
country
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Another significant factor to consider is
travelling
Correct word choice
that travelling
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 interstate is
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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 more affordable as
flight
Correct subject-verb agreement
flights
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 are not as expensive and
people
Use synonyms
 can be comfortable travelling without running out of funds.
People
Use synonyms
 would
also
Linking Words
 like to
travel
Use synonyms
 within
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 as they will get an authentic and diverse experience. There are many locations that are hidden and not discovered.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
India
Add a comma
India,
show examples
 there are many hidden gems that citizens are not aware of
them
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 like serene hill
station
Check wording
stations
show examples
 and historic sites in Rajasthan
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
offers
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 diverse heritage and nature. To be more specific, supporting local shops, hotels and
restaurant
Check wording
restaurants
show examples
 would be economically beneficial.
Conclusion
In a nutshell, I believe more
people
Use synonyms
 will choose to go on holiday in their own
country
Use synonyms
 and not
travel
Use synonyms
 abroad. Some of the reasons behind travelling in-
country
Use synonyms
 are
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 can
travel
Use synonyms
 without hassle, financially affordable and better for
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
. There are so many heritage sites and places needed to be discovered. Domestic
travel
Use synonyms
 will offer authentic and diverse experiences for many
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a clearer main view in the first part. You agree, but also say that travel at home has more good points than travel abroad. Then keep each body part tied to this view.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. For example, explain how lower cost lets families take more trips, or how short travel time helps people with little free time.
task response
Your India examples are useful, but make them more exact. Explain how the campaign, hill areas, or old sites would make people choose a home trip instead of a trip abroad.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simpler plan: first part with your view; one body part on ease and cost; one body part on local places and help for local jobs; last part with a short summary.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more direct. For example: “Domestic travel is often cheaper and easier.” This helps the reader know the main point of the part.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”. Do not use “To be more specific” many times when you are not adding a real detail.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about India and hidden places. Add one new point instead, such as no visa need, less risk of lost time, or easier travel with family.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear view that more people may choose holidays in their own country.
task response
You give relevant reasons, including lower cost, less planning, short travel time, local places, and help for local business.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a final summary.
coherence and cohesion
Examples about India make your ideas feel more real and help support your points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
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