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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own

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Introduction
It is believed that in the near future, more
people
Use synonyms
 will prefer to go on a holiday in their own
country
Use synonyms
 and not
travel
Use synonyms
 abroad. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as there are many reasons behind travelling domestically compared to travelling internationally
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
and this
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 trend has more advantages.
Body paragraph 1
To embark on, travelling in
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 has a lot of advantages
one
Punctuation problem
, one
show examples
 of which is
travelling
Correct word choice
that travelling
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 regionally is easier
due to
Linking Words
 shorter
travel
Use synonyms
 time.
Also
Linking Words
travelling
Punctuation problem
, travelling
show examples
 to
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 city or
different
Correct article usage
a different
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 state will have the familiarity of surrounding.
Secondly
Linking Words
, travelling nationally requires less planning
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can be flexible and
travel
Use synonyms
 spontaneously.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Indian
Replace the word
India
 promotes
to
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 “Incredible India” campaign
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 showcases diverse attractions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it is named “Dekho apna desh”. To be more specific,
this
Linking Words
 campaign promotes the Domestic tourism by encouraging citizens to explore their own
country
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Another significant factor to consider is
travelling
Correct word choice
that travelling
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 interstate is a lot more affordable
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 flights are not as expensive
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can be comfortable travelling without running out of funds.
Community
Correct article usage
The community
show examples
 would
also
Linking Words
 like to
travel
Use synonyms
 within
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 as they will get an authentic and diverse experience. There are many locations that are hidden and not discovered.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
India
Add a comma
India,
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 there are many hidden gems that citizens are not aware of
them
Punctuation problem
,
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 like serene hill
station
Check wording
stations
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 and historic sites in Rajasthan
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
offers the
Correct subject-verb agreement
offer
show examples
 diverse heritage and nature. To be more specific, supporting local shops, hotels and
restaurant
Check wording
restaurants
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 would be economically beneficial.
Conclusion
In a nutshell, I believe more
people
Use synonyms
 will choose to go on holiday in their own
country
Use synonyms
 and not
travel
Use synonyms
 abroad. Some of the reasons behind travelling within
Use synonyms
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
 are that
people
Use synonyms
 can
travel
Use synonyms
 without hassle, financially affordable and better for
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
. There are so many heritage sites and places that
are needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to be discovered. Domestic
travel
Use synonyms
 will offer
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
authentic and diverse experiences for many
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You clearly agree with the idea, and you give main reasons: travel at home is easier, costs less, and helps the local economy. To make your answer stronger, explain why these points will make more people choose home travel in the future.
task response
Some ideas need more detail. For example, say how lower travel costs help families, or how short trips suit people who have little time off work.
task response
Your India example is useful, but parts of it repeat the same point. Give one clear example and explain its result, such as more money going to local hotels, shops, and food places.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Each body part has a main idea, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “First,” “Another reason,” “As a result,” and “For this reason.” Do not use “To embark on,” because it does not fit this use.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. In the second body part, cost, hidden places, and help for the economy are all good ideas, but they need clearer order and fuller links.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same thing many times, such as “To be more specific.” State the point once, then add a short example or result.
task response
Your view is clear from the first paragraph and stays the same until the end.
task response
You use relevant reasons and examples about travel in India, local places, and local business.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well organised into an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion brings back your main reasons: ease, lower cost, and help for the economy.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • domestic tourism
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • national pride
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • local businesses
  • comfort zone
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