IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In many countries, a small countries od people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governmnets should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any revelant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
It has
observed
Verb problem
been observed
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 that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 most
of
Change preposition
apply
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small
countries
Use synonyms
eran
Correct your spelling
have
 extremely huge
salary
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,
Punctuation problem
.
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 I totally agree for let people have high
Use synonyms
salary
Check wording
salaries
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 for
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 quality
life
Change preposition
of life
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 in small
countries
Use synonyms
, there is
Punctuation problem
. There are
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 people
agree
Correct pronoun usage
who agree
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 with
this
Linking Words
 point
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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 another are not
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
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this
Linking Words
 assay we will discuss the two
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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.
Body paragraph 1
In the one hand, the public in small
countries
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 is not like in big
countries
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, beacause number in the small
countries
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 are dicrease than big
countries
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, small
countries
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 have alot of job opportunities beacause they don't have alot of employees, if the country put high
salary
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 most of the society will try hard to get a job,
for example
Linking Words
, Qatar have small society so they put a high
salary
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 for the employees so everyone around the world try to work in Qatar which glow economic growth in Qatar.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 some time have a bad effects for some people,
for example
Linking Words
,
My
Fix capitalization
my
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 friend
she work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
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 in the biggest company in my conutry and she
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a really big
sallary
Correct your spelling
salary
, but she didn't try to
developed
Wrong verb form
develop
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 her career
more better
Replace the word
further
, she always
tell
Correct subject-verb agreement
tells
show examples
 me " why
I should
Correct word order
should I
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 take more experience or learn more if I have
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
sallary
Correct your spelling
salary
".
Conclusion
In conclusion, if a small
countries
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 give a high
salary
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, it will always be helpful for the public and for the government,
beacuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they will development there country.

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task response
You discuss both views, but the first view is much stronger than the second. Explain more clearly why some people think the state should set a top pay level. For example, very high pay can make the gap between rich and poor much bigger.
task response
State your own view clearly in the introduction and keep it the same in the whole essay. You say you support high pay, but your last line says it will always be helpful. Avoid words like “always”, because high pay can also cause problems.
task response
Develop each main point with a reason and an example. The Qatar example is linked to jobs and growth, but explain how high pay helps the country get skilled workers and fill needed jobs.
task response
Your friend’s example shows that one person may not want to learn more. Add a wider effect on the country, such as less fair pay or higher costs for firms.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph for high pay, one paragraph for a pay limit, and conclusion. Your essay has this basic shape, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a clear main idea. For example: “One reason to allow very high pay is that it can bring skilled workers to small countries.” Then give reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully: “On the one hand”, “For example”, “However”, and “In conclusion”. Do not use “because” many times in one long sentence. Make shorter sentences so your ideas are easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your words match the question. The question says “a small number of people”, not “small countries”. This change will make the whole essay more clear and on-topic.
task response
You give an opinion and you try to discuss both sides of the issue.
task response
You use examples from Qatar and from your own life. This makes your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful link phrases, such as “On the other hand” and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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