IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that all the children in school are required to learn at least one foreign language. However, others say that those who are not talented do not have to learn. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In today's
world
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, some
people
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 believe that every
chilren
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child
 in school must learn
atleast
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at least
 a new
language
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 is crucial,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 others believe that those who
have
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apply
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lack
of
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apply
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learning
skills
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no
Rephrase
do not
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 need to learn. I hereby share my perspective on
this
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.
Body paragraph 1
In the first place, we have to admit that though
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world
Correct article usage
the world
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has
Verb problem
is
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 diverse in cultures and languages, today everyone in the
world
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 depends on other
people
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 from all over the earth
due to
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globalization
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globalisation
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. And
people
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 are visiting different countries on their business, students are moving abroad for their education,
some
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and some
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 are
migranting
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migrating
 to other countries to improve their standard of living.
Therefore
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learning
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, learning
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 a new
language
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 other than our mother tongue really
train
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trains
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 our brain to learn or adapt to a new
language
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quickly
Rephrase
more quickly
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 than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
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 have exposure
in
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to
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 only one
language
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.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, there
are
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is
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 some scientific evidences which clearly shows learning multiple new
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language
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languages
show examples
 improves cognitive
skills
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, survival
skills
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, and social
skills
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. For
an
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apply
show examples
instance: I know around 4 different Indian languages and English.
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However
Punctuation problem
However,
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 one of my
friend, she
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friends
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 can only speak her mother tongue, but she is able to read and write English. We
both are
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are both
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 currently living in Asheville,
moved
Verb problem
having moved
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 from India. Here I am able to survive easier than her, cause I
could
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can
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 easily interact with
people
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,
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; nevertheless,
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nevertheless
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 she cannot.
Conclusion
To sum up
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 everything, I strongly believe that learning multiple languages or
atleast
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at least
 one is significant to survive in
this
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 competitive
world
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.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. Say that all children should learn one other language, even if they find it hard.
task response
Answer the other view in more detail. Explain why children with less skill should still learn, but may need more time, help, or a simpler class.
task response
Your main ideas are useful: world travel, study, work, and brain growth. Add one clear reason for each idea so the reader can see why it proves your view.
task response
Your own example is linked to the topic, but make it fairer. Knowing several Indian languages may not always help when speaking with people in Asheville. Explain which language helped you and how.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first reason, second reason with example, and conclusion. Your essay mostly follows this plan, but each part can be more fully linked.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “However”, and “In conclusion”. Do not use “nevertheless” when the meaning is simply an example or result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main idea. The first body part moves from world travel to brain training very quickly. Split these into separate points or explain the link.
coherence and cohesion
Make your sentences easier to follow. For example, write: “Because of global trade, people often travel, study, or work in other countries.”
task response
You give a clear personal view and support it with reasons about life in a world where people move, study, and work in many places.
task response
You include a real-life example about moving from India to Asheville. This makes your ideas feel personal and linked to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a beginning, two main parts, and an ending. This gives the reader a clear path through your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Therefore”, “Secondly”, and “To sum up” help show the order of your points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • talented
  • beneficial
  • enhances
  • cognitive skills
  • cultural understanding
  • job prospects
  • option
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