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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Economic progress is considered a significant factor to measure a country's success. But many people think that other factors should be considered when measuring the success of a country. What other factors do you think measure a country's success? Among these, is one more important than the others?

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Introduction
While
Linking Words
 economic development is one of the significant indicators, there are other elements that influence a
country
Use synonyms
's success, including
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 quality, employment rates, and
corruption
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. Among these factors, I believe
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
level
Use synonyms
 of
corruption
Use synonyms
 may be the most crucial determinant, as it portrays how the government formulates public and economic
policies
Use synonyms
 in order to develop the
nation
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are numerous elements contributing to the advancement of a
country
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, economic achievements are usually the standard because it provides credible data through gross domestic product, that counted annually. The higher the number, the bigger the success.
In addition
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, the high quality of
healthcare
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 systems and
education
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also
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 indicates a successful
country
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. In many developed countries, the citizen can get free and high facility of
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and
education
Use synonyms
 that the government provides.
For example
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, in Finland, it is well known that they provide free access to
education
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 for all levels from preschool to university, dedicated to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
As a result
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can have a good degree,
then
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 get a high-paid job and build a prosperous life.
Furthermore
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, a low
level
Use synonyms
 of unemployment
also
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 serves as an indicator that a society in a
nation
Use synonyms
 is able to fulfil its basic needs, like food and clothes.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the
corruption
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 is the most important factor, because it shows how
policies
Use synonyms
 in public and economic sectors are being formulated to develop the
nation
Use synonyms
. If
people
Use synonyms
 in power
use
Use synonyms
 their authority in the wrong way, it can destroy the
country
Use synonyms
 through bad
policies
Use synonyms
 which not side with the
people
Use synonyms
, but only to gratify certain parties.
For example
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, as the
corruption
Use synonyms
level
Use synonyms
 is high in Indonesia, the government fail to provide good and fair
education
Use synonyms
 quality. In many remote areas, we can find broken school buildings and very low salary rates for the teachers, as the schools do not get enough money to hold a proper learning process.
Besides
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, the
healthcare
Use synonyms
Body paragraph 3
USE
Use synonyms
 SYNONYMS
Body paragraph 4
It is important to
use
Use synonyms
 synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and
use
Use synonyms
 the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
Body paragraph 5
system
Correct article usage
The system
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 suffering a similar situation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when the
corruption
Use synonyms
 rate is high, it affects
people
Use synonyms
's lives significantly as they can not get
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 and
healthcare
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, among the factors that influence a
country
Use synonyms
's success, I think the
level
Use synonyms
 of
corruption
Use synonyms
 is the most crucial determinant. The high
corruption
Use synonyms
 leads to tons of bad
policies
Use synonyms
 that ruin the
nation
Use synonyms
 itself.

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Task response
Answer both parts more fully. You name health, school, jobs, and low corruption, but the links between them could be clearer. Say why each one shows that a country is doing well.
Task response
Your main view is clear: low corruption is the key factor. Make this view stronger by comparing it with the other factors. For example, explain that honest leaders can use public money for schools, health care, and jobs.
Task response
Use examples with care. The Finland example is useful, but explain more clearly how free school helps the whole country, not only one person get a good job. The Indonesia example needs more detail and careful wording so it does not sound too broad.
Task response
Remove the text about using synonyms. It is not part of the essay and breaks the main idea. Finish the health care point before moving to the conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, the first body part is too wide: it talks about the economy, health, school, and jobs in one long block. Give each main idea its own clear space or join them under one main point.
Coherence and cohesion
Use links that show the exact relation between ideas. Instead of only 'In addition' and 'Furthermore', use phrases such as 'This matters because', 'As a result', and 'For this reason'.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep the same focus in each paragraph. The second body part starts well with corruption, but the health care idea ends suddenly. Add one full sentence to explain this point, then close the paragraph with a short link back to your main view.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the form is not clear. For example, write 'GDP is counted each year' rather than 'GDP, that counted annually'. Clear sentence form will make the flow smoother.
Task response
You give a direct answer and clearly choose low corruption as the most important factor.
Task response
You include useful areas for judging a country, such as health care, education, and jobs.
Coherence and cohesion
Your introduction tells the reader what factors you will discuss and states your main view.
Coherence and cohesion
The use of Finland and Indonesia gives your ideas a real-world focus.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • quality of life
  • life expectancy
  • public healthcare
  • access to medical treatment
  • high-quality education
  • literacy rate
  • equal opportunities
  • income inequality
  • social mobility
  • public safety
  • low crime rate
  • rule of law
  • political stability
  • corruption levels
  • environmental protection
  • clean air and water
  • citizen well-being
  • life satisfaction
  • sustainable development
  • fair distribution of wealth
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