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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that the exploration of space justifies a large amount of government and private investment. Other people think that this field is of increasingly low relevance, and should not be a priority. Debate both sides of this discussion, and explain your own view. How important is it for us to explore space at the moment?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays,
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 number of countries
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 shown keen interest in
space
Use synonyms
 exploration. Some people reckon that it is worthwhile to spend a lot of money on it,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a less important area to focus on. I believe that it is crucial to invest in
this
Linking Words
 field. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss both
viewpoint
Fix the agreement mistake
viewpoints
show examples
 in the forthcoming paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, studying planets like the Moon or Mars, and sending spacecrafts
there
Punctuation problem
there,
show examples
 helps in
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of a particular country.
This
Linking Words
 exploration
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 awareness
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and knowledge of people regarding the
space
Use synonyms
.
Along with
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this
Linking Words
, it stimulates
curiosity
Correct article usage
the curiosity
show examples
 of the youngsters
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and motivates them to become scientists.
For instance
Linking Words
, Pityusha Chawla was the first Indian woman
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
who went
Wrong verb form
to go
show examples
 to the Moon. Her journey inspired a lot of young people to take initiatives in the science field.
Also
Linking Words
, her
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
approach significantly raised the economic growth of India.
Hence
Linking Words
,
study
Correct article usage
the study
show examples
 of other planets contributes to
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of a specific nation.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
along with
Linking Words
 focusing on
space
Use synonyms
 study,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should
also
Linking Words
 pay attention towards improvement of public transport,
roads
Check wording
road
show examples
 infrastructure and provision of better education and healthcare facilities. All these amenities are basic necessities of human beings, so authorities should invest in these as well to make everyday life better
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the individuals.
For example
Linking Words
, better transportation facilities like
high speed
Correct your spelling
high-speed
 metros would help to reduce time consumption in longer commuting distances.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some amount of money should
also
Linking Words
spend
Wrong verb form
be spent
show examples
 in these fields.
Conclusion
To recapitulate,
although
Linking Words
 conducting
study
Correct article usage
a study
show examples
 outside the Earth requires a lot of money, it is essential to understand various facts
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 be labelled as unnecessary. In my opinion, both areas
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
space
Use synonyms
 exploration and betterment of other provisions, need equal attention.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. However, make your view more exact: say how much space study matters now and how money should be shared.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain how space work helps life on Earth, such as weather reports, maps, phone links, or new health tools.
task response
Use true and correct examples. The example about Pityusha Chawla is not correct: Kalpana Chawla did not go to the Moon. A wrong example can make your ideas less strong.
task response
The point about roads, schools, and health care is good, but link it more closely to the question. Explain why these needs may be more urgent than space work in some countries.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep this four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first line of each body part state the main idea more clearly. Then add an explanation and one example before the final line.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “Therefore” are used well, but do not use them too often.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas need to be clearer. For example, say that space work can bring long-term gains, while roads and health care meet needs today.
task response
You answer all parts of the question by looking at both views and giving your own opinion.
task response
Your point that public services are basic needs is clear and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each body part has one main subject.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending clearly show the topic and your main view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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