Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be bend in public place. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
As smoking not only gives rise to
healthy
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health
problems
to
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for
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smokers but
also
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who
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those who
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are surrounded, some
people
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calim
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claim
that it should be banned in public
area
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areas
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.
This
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essay will examine both the opinions and explain why I cannot agree more with these statements.
Body paragraph 1
It is no gainsaying that
smoke
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bring
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brings
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unimaginable risks to
people
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's health.
Smoke
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of cigarette is full of varying kinds of elements that will take a heavy toll on
human's
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human
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health. Take Nogotine as
example
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an example
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, which will cause permanent damage to the function of lung. Based on a related survey conducted by the University of British Columbia in 2020,
due to
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the long-term
expoture
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exposure
to the
smoke
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,
people
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are more likely to have breath-related problems and even cancer.
This
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will not only influence the
people
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who
smoke
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, but
also
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people
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nearby may have to suffer from the second-hand
smoke
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and get sick.
Besides
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,
cigarette
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cigarettes
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may get
people
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addicted.
In consider of
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Considering
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its
expensive
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high
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price, it will thereby add up to the financial burden on some
people
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and their families.
Body paragraph 2
Some
people
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maintain that the
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
of smoking should be banned in public
area
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areas
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in an attempt to protect others. As we all know, a public area is usually flooded
of
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with
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diverse groups of
people
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, and some of them may be more sensitive to the smell and more easily
to
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apply
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get sick.
For instance
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, the
smoke
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may aggravate the chronic diseases and some
base
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underlying
diseases of
elderly
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the elderly
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and
defers
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delay
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the physical development of babies when their mothers are pregnant. What is more,
this
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behavior
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behaviour
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may attract the attention of children and cause a severe
immitation
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imitation
, as children have not fully developed their
dudgement
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judgment
and persistence to
such
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behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
. For those reasons, I am in favour of the ban of sigarette in public
zone
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zones
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, smoking will defenitely brings harms to smokers and
people
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nearby at the same time. I totally agree with
this
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assertion and believe that only cigarette is better controlled in public, the safety of
public
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the public
show examples
can be better guaranteed.

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task response
You give a clear view: smoking should not be allowed in public places. However, the task asks for both views. You explain why smoking is harmful, but you do not fully explain the other view, such as why some people think smokers should be free to smoke in some public outdoor places.
task response
Make your main idea more exact. Say that smoking should be banned in shared indoor places and near children, but smoking areas may be made in some outdoor places. This would help you discuss both sides in a fair way.
task response
Your health ideas are useful, but some facts are not fully right. Nicotine mainly causes addiction; it is not the main cause of lung damage. Use safer wording, such as: 'Cigarette smoke can cause serious lung and heart problems.'
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. To make the order stronger, let the first body part explain the view against public smoking, and let the second body part explain the view in support of smokers' freedom before giving your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are good, such as 'Besides', 'For instance', and 'In conclusion'. Use fewer repeated phrases like 'people nearby' and 'public area'. You can also use 'non-smokers', 'shared places', and 'the public'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. The first body paragraph moves from health harm to addiction and family cost. This is still related, but it would be clearer to put the money point in a separate paragraph or leave it out.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and common phrases, because they can make your meaning less clear. For example, write 'health problems', 'claim', 'banned', 'public places', 'second-hand smoke', and 'people are more likely to have breathing problems'.
task response
You answer the main topic and give a strong, clear opinion from the start to the end.
task response
You use relevant ideas about second-hand smoke, children, older people, and pregnant women. These ideas fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs, and the ending repeats your main view in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to support your points, including a study and groups who may be more at risk.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smoking
  • harm
  • health
  • disease
  • cancer
  • heart
  • secondhand smoke
  • choice
  • ban
  • public place
  • non-smoker
  • protect
  • environment
  • sick
  • important
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