Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be bend in public place. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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Introduction
As smoking not only gives rise to
healthy
problems Replace the word
health
to
smokers but Change preposition
for
also
Linking Words
who
are surrounded, some Correct pronoun usage
those who
people
Use synonyms
calim
that it should be banned in public Correct your spelling
claim
area
. Check wording
areas
This
essay will examine both the opinions and explain why I cannot agree more with these statements.Linking Words
Body paragraph 1
It is no gainsaying that
smoke
Use synonyms
bring
unimaginable risks to Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
people
's health. Use synonyms
Smoke
of cigarette is full of varying kinds of elements that will take a heavy toll on Use synonyms
human's
health. Take Nogotine as Check wording
human
example
, which will cause permanent damage to the function of lung. Based on a related survey conducted by the University of British Columbia in 2020, Correct article usage
an example
due to
the long-term Linking Words
expoture
to the Correct your spelling
exposure
smoke
, Use synonyms
people
are more likely to have breath-related problems and even cancer. Use synonyms
This
will not only influence the Linking Words
people
who Use synonyms
smoke
, but Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
people
nearby may have to suffer from the second-hand Use synonyms
smoke
and get sick. Use synonyms
Besides
, Linking Words
cigarette
may get Check wording
cigarettes
people
addicted. Use synonyms
In consider of
its Change preposition
Considering
expensive
price, it will thereby add up to the financial burden on some Correct word choice
high
people
and their families.Use synonyms
Body paragraph 2
Some
people
maintain that the Use synonyms
behavior
of smoking should be banned in public Change the spelling
behaviour
area
in an attempt to protect others. As we all know, a public area is usually flooded Check wording
areas
of
diverse groups of Change preposition
with
people
, and some of them may be more sensitive to the smell and more easily Use synonyms
to
get sick. Wrong verb form
apply
For instance
, the Linking Words
smoke
may aggravate the chronic diseases and some Use synonyms
base
diseases of Replace the word
underlying
elderly
and Correct article usage
the elderly
defers
the physical development of babies when their mothers are pregnant. What is more, Correct subject-verb agreement
delay
this
Linking Words
behavior
may attract the attention of children and cause a severe Change the spelling
behaviour
immitation
, as children have not fully developed their Correct your spelling
imitation
dudgement
and persistence to Correct your spelling
judgment
such
Linking Words
behaviors
. For those reasons, I am in favour of the ban of sigarette in public Change the spelling
behaviours
zone
.Check wording
zones
Conclusion
In conclusion, smoking will defenitely brings harms to smokers and
people
nearby at the same time. I totally agree with Use synonyms
this
assertion and believe that only cigarette is better controlled in public, the safety of Linking Words
public
can be better guaranteed.Correct article usage
the public
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task response
You give a clear view: smoking should not be allowed in public places. However, the task asks for both views. You explain why smoking is harmful, but you do not fully explain the other view, such as why some people think smokers should be free to smoke in some public outdoor places.
task response
Make your main idea more exact. Say that smoking should be banned in shared indoor places and near children, but smoking areas may be made in some outdoor places. This would help you discuss both sides in a fair way.
task response
Your health ideas are useful, but some facts are not fully right. Nicotine mainly causes addiction; it is not the main cause of lung damage. Use safer wording, such as: 'Cigarette smoke can cause serious lung and heart problems.'
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. To make the order stronger, let the first body part explain the view against public smoking, and let the second body part explain the view in support of smokers' freedom before giving your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are good, such as 'Besides', 'For instance', and 'In conclusion'. Use fewer repeated phrases like 'people nearby' and 'public area'. You can also use 'non-smokers', 'shared places', and 'the public'.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. The first body paragraph moves from health harm to addiction and family cost. This is still related, but it would be clearer to put the money point in a separate paragraph or leave it out.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and common phrases, because they can make your meaning less clear. For example, write 'health problems', 'claim', 'banned', 'public places', 'second-hand smoke', and 'people are more likely to have breathing problems'.
task response
You answer the main topic and give a strong, clear opinion from the start to the end.
task response
You use relevant ideas about second-hand smoke, children, older people, and pregnant women. These ideas fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs, and the ending repeats your main view in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to support your points, including a study and groups who may be more at risk.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite