IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think young people should spend more time doing sports. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that young
people
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 should spend more
time
Use synonyms
 doing
sports
Use synonyms
. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because
sports
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 can improve their physical health and
also
Linking Words
 help them develop useful
skills
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.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, doing
sports
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 regularly is important for young
people
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’s health. Many young
people
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 spend a lot of
time
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 using phones, computers and watching television, which can lead to a lack of physical activity. If they spend more
time
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 playing football, swimming, running or other
sports
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, they can become healthier and reduce the risk of being overweight.
For example
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, young
people
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 who exercise several times a week are more likely to have a healthy body and good physical fitness.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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,
sports
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 can help young
people
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 develop important personal and social
skills
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. When they play team
sports
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, they learn how to communicate with others, cooperate and follow rules. They can
also
Linking Words
 learn how to deal with winning and losing. These
skills
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 can be useful later in their education, work and relationships.
For instance
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, a young person who regularly plays football may learn how to work effectively as part of a team.
Body paragraph 3
However
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, I do not think that young
people
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 should spend all of their free
time
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 doing
sports
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. They
also
Linking Words
 need enough
time
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 for studying, relaxing and spending
time
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 with their families.
Therefore
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, a reasonable balance between
sports
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 and other activities is important.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I agree that young
people
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 should spend more
time
Use synonyms
 doing
sports
Use synonyms
 because it improves their health and develops useful social
skills
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.
However
Linking Words
,
sports
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 should be balanced with education, relaxation and family
time
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.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. To make it stronger, say more about why sport is needed now, such as less time outside and more time on screens.
task response
Your two main points are good: health and life skills. Add one more clear detail to each point. For health, explain how sport can help sleep, energy, or stress. For skills, explain how team work can help at school or at work.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are quite general. Use one short, real-like case. For example, explain how a school team can help a shy student make friends and take part in class.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear plan: start, two main parts, a short other side, and an end. Keep this plan in future work.
coherence and cohesion
The links between parts are clear, with words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “However”, and “Therefore”. Try not to use the same link words too often. You can also use “In addition” or “As a result” when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
The last part repeats the main view well. You could make the link to the other side even clearer by saying that more sport means a fair amount of extra time, not all free time.
task response
You answer the question fully and give a clear view: young people should do more sport, but they also need time for study, rest, and family.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic and easy to understand. Health, team work, and dealing with wins and losses are good reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main idea, and the order is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The start tells the reader what the essay will say, and the end gives a clear final view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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