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Writing Samples
Band 4

‘It is important for foreigners to know something about the history and culture of the country they live in.’ Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In many countries, there are a massive number of
expat
Fix the agreement mistake
expats
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 living in the place where they were not born. In my point of view, the crucial part of being fit with those
environtment
Correct your spelling
environments
 is
that
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apply
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learning about their cultural and historal norm, so that they would be able to
intergated
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integrate
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,
as well as
Linking Words
familiar
Verb problem
be familiar
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 with those
sort
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sorts
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 of
pratical
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practical
.
Body paragraph 1
The main reason
of
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apply
show examples
people
who decided
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decide
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 to settle
their life
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apply
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in another
country
Use synonyms
 might be facing the high cost of living in their original
country
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, particularly in Europe, which compare to so many
country
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 in Asian
country
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,
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apply
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 they
could
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can
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 spend
for their
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less on
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 housing
,
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apply
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 or consumtion with lower price.
For example
Linking Words
, in Thailand, as far as I
concerned
Verb problem
am concerned
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, there
are
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is
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 a huge
migrate
Replace the word
migration
 of foreigners' retirements living spread across every part of the
country
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, and they would purchase
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bigger house with the same amount that spending in their own
country
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
a
Correct article usage
apply
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several teengager expat
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who stay in Thailand for the sake of education, so they would pursue
for the
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apply
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job opportunities in the meantime.
Thus
Linking Words
, for those
group
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groups
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 of people are
nessesiate
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necessary
 to do some research for more information in order to make a
decidetion
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decision
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly
belive
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believe
 that
doing
Verb problem
having
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 a
tons
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ton
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 of knowledge of the
locals
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locals'
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 culture and history plays a pivotal role
to blend
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in blending
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 with their traditional customs. Not only
is
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do
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 they comply with their living in the long run, but
also
Linking Words
 it helps them to comprehensive undertand of how to
torelated
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relate
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 with locals preference.

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task response
State your main answer more clearly in the first part. Say why knowing history and culture is important, not only that people should learn it.
task response
Discuss both sides of the topic. You can say that some basic knowledge is needed for daily life, while deep study is not needed for every foreigner.
task response
Make your main points fit the question. The reasons why people move abroad, such as low living costs, do not show why they need to know local history and culture.
task response
Use your Thailand example to show clear results. For example, knowing local ways can help a foreigner speak politely, follow rules, and build good ties with local people.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, one paragraph about culture, one paragraph about history, then a conclusion. Give each paragraph one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Make sure each sentence follows from the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Write shorter sentences. Some sentences have many ideas and are hard to follow. Split them into two or three simple sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match the body. The ending says history and culture are important, but the body gives more space to moving for money and study.
task response
You give a clear personal view that foreign people should learn about the place where they live.
task response
You include a real example about foreign people living in Thailand, which makes the essay more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a beginning, a main body, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “For example”, “Moreover”, and “Thus”, to connect ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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