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Band 4.5

Some people think students should learn practical skills at school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In today’s world, many people believe that colleges should teach more
hands on
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hands-on
 practical
skills
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instead
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 of focusing only on academic subjects.
While
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 I agree
basic
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that basic
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 academic
knowledge
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 is essential for
students
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. I believe that a balance between theory and practice is essential for a well-rounded education.
This
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 essay will explain my point of view.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand , foundational
knowledge
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 should be
develop
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developed
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 by
students
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 in schools in order to increase
at
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in
show examples
 all kinds of fields.
For example
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,
If
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if
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 colleges start teaching specific technical
knowledge
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, like
,
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apply
show examples
Coding, IT or Management. Learners may find it hard to study those kinds of subjects because they lack basic academic
knowledge
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.
As a result
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, passive learning occurs among
students
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 who lack
of
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apply
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foundational
knowledge
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. Colleges should help
students
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 to develop their general Information, with broad
knowledge
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encourages
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, which encourages
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students
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’ critical thinking ;
hence
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,
It
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it
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 can
versatile
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be versatile
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 in any environment.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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 , practical
skills
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 equip
students
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hand on
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with hands-on
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 experiences
,
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.
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For example
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 , classes like
,
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apply
show examples
 coding , Microsoft hardware
skills
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 or health care
,
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apply
show examples
could benefits student daily life and work experience.
Besides
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 that, college could require job-related training for learners, like
,
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apply
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financial management , public speaking
skills
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 and interpersonal
skills
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. Without soft and hard
skills
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,
students
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 may
find
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apply
show examples
struggle to survive in a working environment.
Conclusion
As a result
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, I agree that hands-on skill is crucial for
students
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 in
are
Correct determiner usage
all
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 kinds of fields and daily life.
While
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 theoretical theory can
benefits
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benefit
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Use synonyms
students
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students'
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 critical thinking. I do believe schools should balance the combination of these two aspects in order to have a well-develop
skills
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 for life and work.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. You say you agree, but your main view is that schools need both theory and practical skills. Say this in one direct sentence.
task response
Explain each main idea in more depth. For example, say how basic school subjects help students learn coding, health care, or business skills.
task response
Use examples that show a clear result. Instead of only naming coding or public speaking, explain how these skills can help a student get work or deal with daily life.
task response
Keep your ideas close to the question. The essay asks about school students, but you often write about colleges. Choose one word and use it all through the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the first sentence of each main part state one clear point.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “because”, “for example”, “therefore”, and “however”. Do not use linking words when the next idea does not fully follow from the last one.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they join too many ideas. Write shorter sentences with one main idea in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words, such as “skills”, “students”, and “knowledge”, too often. Use simple changes such as “learners”, “these abilities”, or “basic ideas” when they fit.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear main view: schools should balance academic learning and practical skills.
task response
Your examples of coding, money skills, public speaking, and people skills are useful and fit the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The two main parts are easy to see: one is about academic learning and the other is about practical learning.
coherence and cohesion
The ending returns to your main view and gives the essay a clear close.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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