IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Rich countries should not employ skilled workers labour from poor countries,as poor countries need the workers more. Do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
Develop
Wrong verb form
Developed
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countries
Use synonyms
 shouldn't recruit
foreigner
Check wording
foreigners
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 from
third world
Correct your spelling
third-world
countries
Use synonyms
, because the population needs them to work and feed themselves. I strongly support
this
Linking Words
 statement
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
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this
Linking Words
 essay i am going
elaborate
Verb problem
to elaborate
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my
Change preposition
on my
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 point of view.
Body paragraph 1
At
first,
Linking Words
whenever young adult leave their homeland to immigrate to
an other
Correct your spelling
another
 state, the demand is high in many
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
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, like industry,
farm
Replace the word
farming
,
hospitality
Correct word choice
and hospitality
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.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 many people from poor
countries
Use synonyms
 move to different
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
 looking for opportunities.
Howerver
Correct your spelling
However
, these states need workers.
Famers
Use the right word
Farmers
show examples
 are essential to feed the citizens; not only
this
Linking Words
, they may trade products with other
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, multiple product that we are consuming in America come was imported from
else where
Correct your spelling
elsewhere
.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, . The next generation will struggle to survive later in life moving will be the only option for them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, one solution could be
stop
Verb problem
to stop
show examples
 hiring immigrants
Correct word choice
, so
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then
Linking Words
 they can stay working in their own country.
Conclusion
To summarise, it is crucial to encourage individuals
live
Verb problem
to live
show examples
 in their own
countries
Use synonyms
than
Correct word choice
rather than
show examples
 moving. By far, presidents should stop employing foreigners. Like
profesional
Correct your spelling
professional
 workers should leave their culture.

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task response
State your view clearly and keep it the same. You agree that rich countries should not hire skilled workers from poor countries, but your first main point is about farm and hotel work, not skilled work such as doctors, teachers, or engineers.
task response
Develop both main points with clear reasons. Explain how the loss of doctors, nurses, teachers, and engineers can hurt poor countries. Then explain why stopping all hiring may not be fair or possible.
task response
Use a clear example. For example, if many doctors leave a poor country, people may wait longer for care. This directly answers the question.
task response
Your second body paragraph is too short and starts with a full stop. Add a full main idea, an explanation, and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first reason, second reason, conclusion. Give each body paragraph one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as 'First', 'Also', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'In conclusion'. Do not use linking words when the next idea is not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence is easy to follow. For example, change 'Like profesional workers should leave their culture' to a clear idea about skilled workers leaving their country.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice and sentence form. Use 'developed countries', 'foreign workers', 'another country', 'fields', 'farmers', and 'elsewhere'. These changes will make your meaning clearer.
task response
You give a clear opinion at the start: you support the idea.
task response
You try to give reasons about work, food, and the future of poor countries.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as 'At first', 'Secondly', 'Therefore', and 'To summarise'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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