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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the experiences children have before they go to school will have the greatest effect on their future life. Others argue that experiences gained when they are teenagers have a bigger influence. Discuss both views and give your option

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Some
people
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 believe that what children learn before starting school has the greatest impact,
while
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 others argue that experiences during teenage years have
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 significant
influence
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why I believe experiences during adolescence have a stronger
influence
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 on a person’s
future
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.
Body paragraph 1
The events before starting school can build a foundation for a child's personality and
behavior
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behaviour
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. At
this
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 age, they learn basic values and habits from their parents and surroundings,
such
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 as discipline and respect for others.
For example
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, a student who is taught to share toys and help others from a young age may develop a habit of being considerate toward
people
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 around them.
However
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, young children are still too young to fully understand what they experience. They may not have enough ability to analyze situations or critical thinking.
Therefore
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, the
influence
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 of early childhood events may change as they grow up.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the teenage years can have a stronger
influence
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 on a person’s
future
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.
Firstly
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, young
people
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 begin to discover themselves by understanding their interests, abilities, and
future
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 goals. They
also
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 start making their own decisions about education, friendships, and
future
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 careers, which helps them develop better decision-making skills.
Moreover
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, the situations they face during
this
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 period can teach them valuable lessons and shape their plans for the
future
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.
For instance
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, a student who discovers a passion for languages through joining an English club may decide to study languages at university and pursue a related career later in life.
As a result
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, the lessons and interests developed during adolescence can better prepare young
people
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 for their
future
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, early childhood can lay the foundation for a person’s character and
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
,
although
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 young children may not yet be mature enough to fully understand what they go through. In comparison, adolescence allows individuals to make their own choices, discover their goals, and learn important lessons from different situations.
Thus
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, I believe that what
people
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 go through during their teenage years has a greater
influence
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 on their
future
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.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view. To make your answer even stronger, explain more fully why teens can understand and use their life events better than very young children can.
task response
Your examples are clear and fit the topic. You could add one more real or more detailed example for the early-childhood view, such as how home care may shape trust, self-control, or how a child treats other people.
task response
Some ideas could be more exact. For example, say that early events may be changed by later school, friends, and family life, rather than saying only that children cannot fully understand them.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: an opening, one paragraph for each view, and a closing. Each paragraph stays on one main idea, which makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of links between ideas. You use words such as “However”, “Firstly”, “Moreover”, and “As a result” well, but do not use “Firstly” unless there is also a “Secondly” later.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences in the first body paragraph smoother. After the example about sharing, you could explain directly how this early habit may affect later life before you move to the limit of early experiences.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you present both sides and clearly state that the teenage years have the greater effect.
task response
The English-club example is useful because it clearly shows how an interest in the teen years can lead to later study and work choices.
coherence and cohesion
Your main view is clear from the opening and is repeated in the closing, so the reader always knows your position.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are well ordered, and words like “On the other hand” and “In comparison” help the reader see the change from one view to the other.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • experiences
  • influence
  • future
  • development
  • childhood
  • teenagers
  • independence
  • emotional
  • skills
  • relationships
  • decisions
  • identity
  • growth
  • interactions
  • foundation
  • pathway
  • importance
  • education
  • social
  • complex
  • part-time jobs
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