IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#aim #science #people #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays，the most significant aim of
science
Use synonyms
 is improving people‘s
lives
Use synonyms
.I agree with
such
Linking Words
 a view.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the traffic is very convenient because of
science
Use synonyms
. We can choose a lot of ways to go out rather than just use animals in the ancient. If the distance is very far we can choose an air plant or high-speed rail. If we are just in the urban we can choose the subway,bus or cab.There are so many kinds of vehicles in our
lives
Use synonyms
 because of scientific development. People can arrive at their destination in less and less time by
such
Linking Words
 transportation. You can go everywhere you want on the Earth even in space. Hundreds of years ago, people had to spend at least a month from one province to another.
However
Linking Words
, now we just spend several hours to arrive.
This
Linking Words
 saves us a lot of time and undoubtedly improves our quality of life. Not only in traffic but
also
Linking Words
 on applications on our phones. Like Alipay, it changes our
lives
Use synonyms
 a lot.In the past we always used Crash to pay for money without Crash we couldn’t go anywhere we wanted.Since Alipay was invented we can use smartphones to pay money.What’s more, we can use it to pay for the bus and subway rather than a bus card.
This
Linking Words
 can’t be similar when you go back. There is a big difference in our life.It’s all brought to us by the development of
science
Use synonyms
 and technology.
This
Linking Words
 is
also
Linking Words
 the purpose of
science
Use synonyms
 development. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are many aims of
science
Use synonyms
, the most important aim is improving people’s
lives
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,transportation and payment have brought great improvement to people’s
lives
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by 1291468663 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
You have made a good attempt at the task, offering a clear position and some development of ideas. However, it would benefit from deeper analysis and more detailed discussion points to fully answer the task question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your points are logically ordered and you have a clear introduction and conclusion. However, your writing would benefit from more varied connective words and phrases to link your ideas.
Lexical Resource
While your vocabulary is adequate for the task, you could try to use a wider range of more academic vocabulary to enhance your lexical resource score.
Grammatical Range
There are a few instances of awkward sentence structure and grammatical errors throughout the essay. Try to ensure you proofread your work for grammatical accuracy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: