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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Today it is common practice for many business meetings and business training to take place online. Do the advantages of this new development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
Nowadays, online meetings and training sessions have become popular and common for numerous businesses. In
this
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 essay, I will explain why the benefits of
this
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 new setting for those activities overshadow the potential drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, business meetings and training that are conducted virtually can pose challenges.
To begin
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 with,
this
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 arrangement may lead to distraction, as audiences can have a low focus when they are not in the office or a proper place.
For example
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, Zoom App in today's era make it possible for workers to join the job meeting from a coffee shop that can be less conducive since it is crowded and noisy.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 online setting increases the possibility of screen fatigue.
As a result
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 of sitting in front of a laptop for a long time during office coordination, people can have a headache or their eyes can turn red and become irritated.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, virtual working coordination or training brings some advantages. First and foremost, it will save a lot of cost, since the organiser does not need to pay for the supporting facilities,
such
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 as a hall rent, tables and chairs, catering, travel and accommodation.
Secondly
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,
this
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 trend development can attract more audiences for a training agenda, since they only need to present virtually.
Moreover
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, it is highly flexible because we can do many tasks at the same time and access the recording once the event is over.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the online setting development brings more advantages than disadvantages.
Although
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 people can easily be distracted and experience physical discomfort during the virtual event, it still offers great benefits. By transforming the business agenda to use digital platforms, it can be cost-effective, attract more audiences, and become more flexible.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first part: online meetings and training have more good points than bad points. Keep this view clear in every part.
task response
Develop each main point further. For example, explain how lower costs can help a company use money for other work, and how recordings help staff who cannot join live.
task response
Use more clear, real examples. The Zoom example shows distraction well, but add an example for lower cost or for training with staff in many places.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: bad points first, then good points, then a final view. Keep this strong plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas smoother. For example, after the point about noise, explain directly how this can make the meeting less useful.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for key ideas. Choose “online meetings and training” or “virtual meetings and training” and use it often, rather than changing to less clear phrases such as “working coordination” or “business agenda.”
coherence and cohesion
In the final part, do not repeat too many ideas. Give a short final answer and name the two or three most important reasons.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear final view that the good points are stronger.
task response
Your points are relevant: distraction and screen tiredness are real bad points, while lower cost, wider reach, and ease are useful good points.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction, two main parts, and conclusion make the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words, such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” “Furthermore,” and “Moreover.”
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cost-effective
  • Accommodation
  • Convenience
  • Flexibility
  • Environmental impact
  • Accessibility
  • Technical issues
  • Personal interaction
  • Distractions
  • Screen fatigue
  • Security concerns
  • Data breach
  • Carbon footprint
  • Remote work
  • Digital platforms
  • Time zones
  • Coordination
  • Mobility challenges
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