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Band 6.5

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believe there are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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The perspectives on what
education
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 brings vary widely. Some people think of chances to get decent jobs as the main benefit,
whereas
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 others are convinced that
education
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 is not only beneficial to individuals but
also
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 to
society
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. As far as I am concerned, I am strongly in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of the latter, and the reasons will be thoroughly elaborated on as follows. An array of factors may lead to why academic institutions help people get better jobs. First of all, students acquire advanced knowledge related to their future careers, providing them with a solid foundation prior to entering the workplace.
For example
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, before I received an offer from Google, the courses,
such
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 as algorithm and data analysis, at our school truly enhanced my competitiveness since I had accumulated experiences in similar projects during my senior year.
Additionally
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, universities are typically equipped with a career service team, giving students useful feedback and suggestions. To be more specific, individuals can ask
for optimizing
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to optimize
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 their resume and
undergoing
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undergo
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 mock interviews to maximize the probability of
receive
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receiving
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 a job.
On the other hand
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, in my opinion,
university
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education
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also
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 has positive effects on
society
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.
To begin
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 with, general courses usually include moral
education
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, so students tend to behave well rather than commit crimes in the future.
According to
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 a study conducted by National Taiwan
University
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, after the Taiwanese government applied moral lessons to universities, the crime rate of people with
university
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 degrees decreased considerably from 15% to 2% over a decade.
Furthermore
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, companies will be willing to allocate more capital to the Department of Research and Development, as
education
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 enables them to hire enough productive workers.
As a result
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, creative innovation might be easier to come true.
For instance
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, Steve Jobs invented the first iPhone in history with the prevalence of
university
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education
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 throughout the world, which allowed him to expand his research team and eventually make the products that have brought convenience to the whole
society
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. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned, the merits of
education
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 from a
university
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 include both individuals and
society
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 because it lowers the crime rate and leads to significant revolution.

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relevant specific examples
Consider adding more specific examples or statistics to further support your points. For instance, specific examples of how university graduates have contributed to innovative projects or societal developments could enhance your argument.
introduction conclusion present
While your conclusion is effective, it might benefit from a more explicit summary of the arguments made in each paragraph to provide a stronger closure.
logical structure
Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth and that each main idea is followed through comprehensively with developed examples. This will further enhance cohesion and ensure a logical flow of ideas.
complete response
Your essay presents a well-rounded discussion of both views, providing a balanced perspective on the benefits of university education.
clear comprehensive ideas
You provided relevant and clear ideas that effectively address the task, demonstrating good understanding and analytical skills.
logical structure
Your essay maintains a logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss both views, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • higher education
  • employability
  • specialized knowledge
  • lifetime earnings
  • intellectual curiosity
  • personal growth
  • transferable skills
  • social mobility
  • cultural understanding
  • societal advancement
  • global challenges
  • diverse perspectives
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