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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The major cities in the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young peopl living in cities are facing with? Give solutions to these problems

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Introduction
The issue of the problems that young
people
Use synonyms
 living in cities are facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
has become a
signifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
 concern in recent years.
This
Linking Words
probelm
Correct your spelling
problem
 is mainly caused
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
 incearse of popultion and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity,and it can have negative effects on individuals and society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss its causes and suggest possible solutions.
Body paragraph 1
One major cause is that in recent years the
popultion
Correct your spelling
population
 has
been
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
increased,which can lead to
reduce the
Replace the word
a reduction in
 job opportunities .
For example
Linking Words
,if
there is
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 company want more employees ,the company will choose a small number of
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
 ,many families will become poor.Another contributing factor is that nowadays,many
people
Use synonyms
 become
obesite
Correct your spelling
obese
 because they
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lack of awerness about eating fast food,which can negatively affect young
people
Use synonyms
 and may
also
Linking Words
 lead to
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
 their health.Therfore the issue needs to be addressed.
Body paragraph 2
There are several measures that could be taken to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem.One effective solution is launching
course
Correct article usage
a course
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 ,which would help young
people
Use synonyms
 by do some benefical thing.
For example
Linking Words
,if a boy
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
,he can study a new course to
have
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 knowledge and
devolep
Correct your spelling
develop
 his skills.Another possible solution
about the
Change preposition
to
show examples
 obesity is to encourge the young
people
Use synonyms
 to do
exersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 and eat healthy food,which can reduce the problem.Raising public awareness to take care of their health could
also
Linking Words
 encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
take
apporopriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 action.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,the problems that young
people
Use synonyms
 living in cities are facing
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
are a serious issue caused by the increasing of poultion and the
spearding
Correct your spelling
spread
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity.
However
Linking Words
,bu adoption the solution that outliend above ,
this
Linking Words
 problem can be reduced
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the situation can be
imporved
Correct your spelling
improved
.

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task response
Answer the full question more directly. Name city problems for young people, such as high rent, hard job search, traffic, stress, and lack of safe places. Then give a clear solution for each problem.
task response
Your main ideas are about jobs and health, but population is a cause, not a young people's problem by itself. Explain how more people make jobs, homes, and travel harder for young people.
task response
Make each example more real and clear. For jobs, say that city schools and local groups can give free skill classes and help young people find work. For health, say that cities can make cheap sport places and teach healthy eating at school.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main problem and one solution in each body part. This will make the link between your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words with care: 'First', 'For example', 'As a result', 'However', and 'In conclusion'. Do not use too many links when the idea after them is not fully clear.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for the same idea. For example, use 'young people' rather than changing to 'many people' when you mean the same group.
coherence and cohesion
Your start and end are clear. In the end, repeat the two main problems and give a short final answer about how the solutions can help.
task response
You give two clear areas for discussion: work and health. You also try to give a solution for each one.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: start, two main parts, and an ending. This helps the reader follow your writing.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful links such as 'For example', 'As a result', and 'To sum up' to show how ideas are connected.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • high cost of living
  • financial stress
  • affordable housing
  • population boom
  • job market saturation
  • underemployment
  • mental health
  • stress, anxiety, and depression
  • subsidies
  • tax rebates
  • minimum wage
  • affordable housing
  • entrepreneurship
  • skill development programs
  • diverse range of industries
  • mental health facilities
  • community networks
  • isolation
  • urban residents
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