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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say international sports events help in world peace. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
A school of thought holds that international
sports
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events
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 can help bring about world
peace
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. From my perspective, I totally agree with
this
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 point of view
due to
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 the following reasons.
Body paragraph 1
The chief excuse for my opinion is the togetherness and emotional unity that global
sports
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events
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 offer. Through fair rules, self-control, and unrestricted access for participants from several places, they can provide a sense of identity for belonging to a large
sports
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 community.
In contrast
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 to many beliefs, not only is world
peace
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 about the state of having no
war
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, but
also
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 about creating bonds among people. In
this
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 stance, international
sports
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events
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 an important bridge to connect athletes and spectators, inspiring them all with the pride of being part of
such
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 a field.
Sportmanship
Correct your spelling
Sportsmanship
 reflex
this
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. Supporting your teammates and respecting your opponents creates an environment where everyone feels included and encouraged.
This
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 kind of vibe strengthens team spirit and can even encourage whole communities to come together
Body paragraph 2
Equally significant is the role of international
sports
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events
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 in deciding winners and putting an end to confrontations. Sport can be a category of
war
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 with fewer life losses and damages. Almost no bombs, tanks, or guns have been recorded
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the games are often purely physical competition. In the Cold
War
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, the Soviet Union battled the USA through many fields, including international
sports
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events
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( Olympics). The fight was severe, but it partly led to the ultimate result of America being the champion, ending the
war
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 spanning for two decades.
Conclusion
In conclusion, with abilities of connecting and determine winners, I fervently believe that worldwide
sports
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events
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 support world
peace
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. As long as the games themself follow morality and responsibility, there remains
peace
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 and long-term stability on earth.

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task response
Your answer gives a clear view: you agree. You give two main reasons, but the second reason is not fully true or safe. Sport does not decide a real war or end a war. Change this point: sport can lower hate and help people meet, talk, and see each other as people.
task response
Explain each main point more. For example, say how players from two countries can work, talk, and make friends at the Olympics. Then show how this can help people in both countries feel less fear or hate.
task response
Use the Cold War example with care. The USA and the Soviet Union did not end the Cold War because one side won sports events. This weak example makes your main idea less strong. A better example is the Olympic Games bringing people from many countries together, even when their leaders do not agree.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this plan. At the start of each body part, write one simple main idea. Then add an example and explain why it supports your view.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the words do not fit the meaning. For example, use “main reason” instead of “chief excuse”, “show” instead of “reflex”, and “help decide” instead of “determining winners”.
coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas more clearly. Use simple links such as “First,” “For example,” “As a result,” and “However.” Also, do not use “In contrast to many beliefs” because the next idea does not clearly contrast with the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and full stops. Write “international sports events are”, “Sportsmanship shows this”, and “the games themselves”. End the first body paragraph with a full stop.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from start to end.
task response
Your first main idea is useful: sport can create shared feelings and bring people together.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to see as an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “Equally significant” and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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