IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Due to technological development, an increasing number of companies are introducing remote work. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
More companies are adopting remote
work
Use synonyms
 nowadays
due to
Linking Words
Use synonyms
development in technologies
Replace the word
technological developments
. In my view,
this
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
 can be called a positive
development
Use synonyms
, as the
employes
Correct your spelling
employees
 get
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 life quality, and job opportunities will be created.
Body paragraph 1
Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 outweigh the advantages in
this
Linking Words
 trend, as the communication quality may drop.
For example
Linking Words
, being unable to see each other in person, it will likely be more difficult to see the atmosphere, facial expression, and tone
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 when the communication is done on text messages.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 environment of employees may not be as
organized
Change the spelling
organised
show examples
 as their office. It will be challenging to prepare a comfortable working place,
in case
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 live with their family, children, and houses with not enough space.
Theses
Correct pronoun usage
These
show examples
 are the reasons for some
people
Use synonyms
 to contend that working from home is a negative trend.
Body paragraph 2
Whereas
Linking Words
 I believe that being able to
work
Use synonyms
 remotely can be called a positive
development
Use synonyms
, as the
Use synonyms
work life
Correct your spelling
work-life
 balance can be improved.
For example
Linking Words
, commuting will not be necessary for
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 from home.
This
Linking Words
enable
Correct subject-verb agreement
enables
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to spend more time on their personal life
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as resting, enjoying hobbies, and spending more time with their family.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there will be
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 meetings and biasness trip, which makes it easier to
work
Use synonyms
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 various locations.
For example
Linking Words
, considering biasness trips, there are some groups of
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 cannot
work
Use synonyms
 due
various
Change preposition
to various
show examples
 reasons.
However
Linking Words
, being able to
work
Use synonyms
remortly
Correct your spelling
remotely
 will be a huge advantage for those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 cannot leave their homes.
Conclusion
There are groups of
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 argue that report
work
Use synonyms
 is a negative
development
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the difficulty of communication, and the quality of
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 environment.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I contend that the advantages of remote
work
Use synonyms
 outweigh the disadvantages, as workers have more time to spend on what they wish, and some
people
Use synonyms
 will acquire opportunities.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clear answer in the first part: the good points are greater than the bad points. Keep this same answer in every body part and in the end.
task response
Develop each main point more fully. Explain how less travel gives people more time, and explain how this can make life better or help them do their work well.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. For example, a parent can work at home and use the travel time to take a child to school. A person who cannot leave home can still get a job online.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: start, bad points, good points, and end. This is a good base. Make the links between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one short main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. Do not put too many different ideas in one part.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words carefully: "However" for a different view, "For example" for an example, and "As a result" for an effect. Avoid repeating "For example" too often.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part shorter and stronger. Restate your view and the two best reasons, but do not repeat the same long ideas from the body.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and clearly state that remote work is mostly good.
task response
Your ideas about no travel, more family time, and jobs for people who cannot leave home are on-topic and useful.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow: you first discuss possible problems, then explain why you think the good points are stronger.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as "For example", "Additionally", "Whereas", and "Nevertheless" to show the flow of your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: