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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think children should obey the rules their parents and teachers set and listen to them, but others think less control will help children to deal with their future adult life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
There is a
debut
Use the right word
debate
show examples
 on setting a
rule
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 for
children
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 by
parents
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 and
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teachers
Punctuation problem
teachers,
show examples
 where some believe it can help
children
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 to obey and understand them
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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other's
Correct your spelling
others
 believe setting
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 boundaries will help them in future. Setting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rules will help
children
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 to
understands
Wrong verb form
understand
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 things better
but
Correct word choice
apply
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,
I
Correct word choice
but I
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do believe that letting them be themselves will help them even more in future as
a
Correct article usage
an
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 adult.
Body paragraph 1
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 setting
a
Correct article usage
apply
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strict rules by
children
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's
parents
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 and
teachers
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 and making them obey and listen to them can be helpful to set
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
boundaries for them.
For example
Linking Words
, I had a set
rule
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 by my
parents
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 to not go out with my friends,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 may be helpful for them as
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 did not have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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friends
Check wording
apply
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effect on my early days
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
it
Correct word choice
but it
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 has affect by adulthood
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
i
Correct word choice
as I
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 do not
any
Verb problem
have any
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 friends to share my thoughts or to enjoy my life.
Parents
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 and
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
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 trying to control
children
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 can go
reverse on
Change preposition
against
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 them
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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,
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apply
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 some
children
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 want to do
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
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 and not obey the rules.
Body paragraph 2
When
parents
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 and
teachers
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 provide little freedom to
children
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 and give a positive to take their decision in their supervision, it will be really beneficial in future. Eventually, the small child
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to be
adult
Correct article usage
an adult
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 and
take
Verb problem
make
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 their own decision, so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 exercising them to do that from
early
Correct article usage
an early
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 age will make them sensible, confident and mature
person
Check wording
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
, school organising group activities and letting them be will help
children
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 to understand people, organise
group
Correct article usage
a group
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, and be a good leader
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is essential as an adult.
Conclusion
In conclusion, setting a
rule
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 by
parents
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 and
teachers
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 can be helpful to raise
children
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 providing them
opportunity
Change preposition
with the opportunity
show examples
 to make their own
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 will be beneficial in their adulthood in
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 to
strict
Correct article usage
a strict
show examples
rule
Use synonyms
 environment.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why rules are needed and why freedom can help. Keep your view the same from start to end.
task response
Your first example is personal and clear, but the link to the main point needs more detail. Say how too much control made it hard for you to make friends or choose for yourself later in life.
task response
The school group work example is useful. Add one more clear result, such as learning to solve problems, hear other people, or take care of a group.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Each body part has one main idea, which helps the reader follow your work.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences. For example: “Strict rules can keep children safe and teach good habits.” Then explain this idea before giving your example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word order and missing words. Write shorter sentences and check each one. For example, write “Parents and teachers who try to control children too much may get the opposite result.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. “However” can show the other side, “For example” can introduce an example, and “As a result” can show what happens next. Do not put many commas in one sentence.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you talk about rules, less control, and your own view.
task response
You use relevant examples from home life and school life, so your ideas feel real.
coherence and cohesion
The order is easy to see: introduction, one view, the other view, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion clearly says that children need chances to make their own choices.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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