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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some cities of the world, cars are replacing bicycles. However, in some other cities, bicycles are replacing cars. What are the reasons for these two developments? In your opinion, which one better?

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Introduction
In the contemporary world, vehicles have become widespread, and there are many
cities
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 that depend on
cars
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 as an essential transport method. In other
cities
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,
however
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,
bicycles
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 are replacing
cars
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 widely. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both views before giving my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, the
cities
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 that depend heavily on
cars
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 usually include cloudy weather, high-quality infrastructure, and suitable fuel prices. These factors give people a reason to use a pickup or public transportation rather than ride
bicycles
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.
Moreover
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, some places are designed particularly for using
cars
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,
such
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 as paved roads and traffic signals.
For example
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, in some towns in the Middle East, people struggle with a hot climate throughout the year, which prevents them from using a bicycle and leads them to drive vehicles with an air conditioner.
Body paragraph 2
In contrast
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, the awareness of individuals in those capitals who replace
cars
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 with
bicycles
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 has significantly increased. The world remarkably struggles with a climate change crisis , which has a profoundly negative impact on the community's health and the Earth's resources.
As a result
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, some
cities
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 enforce strict regulations on car usage and create customised infrastructure for the use of
bicycles
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.
For instance
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, some European
cities
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 have enforced taxes on car drivers to encourage them to rely on
bicycles
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.
Thus
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, fewer people choose to use a car in these places.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both motors and
bicycles
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 have merits and demerits.
However
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, using
bicycles
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 is crucial to address the crisis of climate change and mitigate carbon emissions.
This
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 is reflected in their health and quality of life simultaneously.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain why cars replace bikes, why bikes replace cars, and clearly say which change is better. Your view is clear at the end, but give more reasons for it in the main body.
task response
Use more exact ideas. For cars, write about long travel, family needs, poor bike paths, rain, heat, and easy parking. For bikes, write about clean air, less noise, less traffic, lower cost, and better health.
task response
Make the first example more fitting. Hot weather is a good reason to avoid bikes, but "cloudy weather" and "suitable fuel prices" need clearer links to car use. Also, a pickup is not the same as public transport.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first cars, then bikes, then your view. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph start with one main idea and explain it step by step.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. For example: "Because the weather is very hot, many people choose cars. Cars have air conditioning, so travel is more comfortable." This is clearer than putting several reasons in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words well: "First", "Also", "However", "For this reason", and "In my view". Do not use too many hard words if they make the meaning less clear.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the last sentence. "This is reflected in their health" is not clear because "their" has no clear meaning. Write: "Bicycle use can improve people's health and make city life better."
task response
You discuss both changes and give a clear opinion that bicycles are the better choice.
task response
You give useful real-world examples, such as hot places in the Middle East and car taxes in some European cities.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will do, and the conclusion returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are used well, and the change from cars to bicycles is easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • affluence
  • commuting distances
  • infrastructure
  • rapid growth
  • status symbol
  • environmental concerns
  • bike-sharing programs
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • sustainable
  • liveable environments
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