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Writing Samples
Band 7

In some cities of the world, cars are replacing bicycles. However, in some other cities, bicycles are replacing cars. What are the reasons for these two developments? In your opinion, which one better?

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Introduction
In the contemporary world, vehicles have become widespread, and there are many
cities
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 that depend on
cars
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 as an essential transport method. In other
cities
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,
however
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,
bicycles
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 are replacing
cars
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 widely. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both views before giving my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, the
cities
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 that depend heavily on
cars
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 usually include cloudy weather, high quality infrastucture, and suitable fuel prices. These factors give people a reason to use a pickup or public transportation rather than ride
bicycles
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.
Moreover
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, some places are designed particularly for using
cars
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,
such
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 as paved roads and traffic signals.
For example
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, in some towns in the Middle East, people struggle with a hot climate throughout the year, which prevents them from using a bicycle and leads them to drive vehicles with an air conditioner.
Body paragraph 2
In contrast
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, the awareness of individuals in those capitals who replace
cars
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 with
bicycles
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 has significantly increased. The world remarkably struggles with a climate change crisis , which has a profoundly negative impact on the community's health and the Earth's resources.
As a result
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, some
cities
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 enforce strict regulations on car usage and create customised infrastructure for the use of
bicycles
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.
For instance
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, some European
cities
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 have enforced taxes on car drivers to encourage them to rely on
bicycles
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.
Thus
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, fewer people choose to use a car in these places.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both motors and
bicycles
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 have merits and demerits.
However
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, using
bicycles
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 is crucial to address the crisis of climate change and mitigate carbon emissions.
This
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 is reflected in their health and quality of life simultaneously.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the question: why cars replace bikes, why bikes replace cars, and which is better. Make your own view more direct. Say clearly that bikes are better in most cities, but cars are still needed in very hot, cold, or large places.
Task response
Give more full reasons for car use. Weather and fuel cost are useful points, but add long travel, family needs, and weak bus or bike paths. Explain each point with one clear result.
Task response
Your bike paragraph has a clear main idea about climate change. Add other strong reasons, such as lower cost, better health, less traffic, and less noise.
Task response
Use examples that are more exact. Instead of saying 'some European cities', name a city or describe a clear rule, such as bike lanes, car-free streets, or a charge for driving in the city centre.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, cars, bikes, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the first sentence of each body part state the main reason more clearly.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links are not fully clear. For example, 'cloudy weather' does not usually explain car use well. Use ideas that fit together: very hot or rainy weather, long travel, and roads made for cars.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating broad words such as 'cities', 'places', and 'people'. Use simple but more exact words like drivers, workers, families, city centres, bike users, and local leaders.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the final line easier to understand. 'This is reflected in their health and quality of life simultaneously' is not clear because 'their' has no clear meaning. Write: 'It can also improve people's health and daily life.'
Task response
You cover all key parts of the task and give a clear view that bicycles are the better choice.
Task response
The example of very hot Middle East towns supports your point that air-conditioned cars can be more practical.
Coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are in a sensible order, and phrases such as 'To begin with', 'In contrast', and 'In conclusion' help the reader follow your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
The ending returns to your main view and links bicycles with less pollution and better health.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • affluence
  • commuting distances
  • infrastructure
  • rapid growth
  • status symbol
  • environmental concerns
  • bike-sharing programs
  • traffic congestion
  • carbon emissions
  • sustainable
  • liveable environments
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