IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

There are more new towns being built nowadays. It is more important to include public parks and sports facilities than shopping centres for individuals to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In today’s world, building new towns is a debated issue, especially when there are fewer public
facilities
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,
such
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 as
sports
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centers
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centres
show examples
 and
parks
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, than shopping
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centers
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centres
show examples
. I firmly believe that having public
facilities
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 is essential, unlike malls.
Parks
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 are important for children, pets, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. 
Besides
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 that,
sports
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centers
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centres
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 are important for improving
people
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’s health.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, in public
parks
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,
people
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 can see each other, play with their children, walk with their pets, or even just rest after a long day at work.
Furthermore
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, connecting with nature can affect
people
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’s lives in a positive way.
This
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 feeling of satisfaction can encourage them to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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,
sports
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centers
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centres
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 can provide some of the same benefits as
parks
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. A healthy mind begins with a healthy body. Having a
sports
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center
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centre
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 can encourage
people
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 in the
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 to
work-out
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work out
 together and give them a chance to get to know each other. Malls cannot provide the same benefits. In a mall,
people
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 usually spend their money on shopping,
while
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 public
facilities
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 can encourage
people
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 to be more active and social، and save more money.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly agree that new towns should include public
parks
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 and more
sports
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facilities
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 because there are various benefits that can be gained from these places. Unlike shopping
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centers
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centres
show examples
, public
facilities
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 can contribute to
people
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’s health, social connections, and
overall
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 quality of life.

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task response
Your view is clear: parks and sports places are more important than shops. To make your answer stronger, explain why this should be a main plan for all new towns, not only a good idea.
task response
Add one or two clear real-life examples. For example, a park near homes can help parents take children outside every day, while a sports place can help young and old people exercise in bad weather.
task response
Develop each main point more. Say how better health, less stress, and more time with other people can make life in a new town better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the link between ideas more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “To begin with” and “Moreover” work well. You can also use “For example,” “As a result,” and “In contrast” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat, such as health and meeting other people. You can avoid this by giving each body part one main job: the first about parks and daily life, and the second about sports places and health.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly state that you agree.
task response
Your reasons are relevant: health, time with other people, children, pets, and saving money.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow, with a clear opening, main parts, and closing.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear contrast between public places and malls, especially in the second main part.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public parks
  • sports facilities
  • shopping centres
  • free time
  • well-being
  • physical exercise
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • sense of community
  • consumerism
  • green spaces
  • health and well-being
  • attractive
  • environment
  • air quality
  • biodiversity
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