IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Countries with longer working hours are more economically successful than other countries. To what extent do you agree?

6.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is often argued that if the public of any
country
Use synonyms
 works many
hours
Use synonyms
, there is an evolving economy in that
country
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as
productivity
Use synonyms
 determines a
country
Use synonyms
's
success
Use synonyms
 rather than working
hours
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
The major reason is that working many
hours
Use synonyms
 doesn’t influence the
country
Use synonyms
’s economy.
According to
Linking Words
 foreign professors, people can only work effectively for 5
hours
Use synonyms
 a day. If workers operate for more than 5
hours
Use synonyms
, they may experience mental fatigue, which can reduce their concentration and efficiency.
As a result
Linking Words
, the state can only achieve economic
success
Use synonyms
 if its performance is good. It is not about working long
hours
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, a videographer or journalist spends little time on work. They participate in shooting time
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 for them, it is more important the quality of shooting rather than the total
hours
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
Linking Words
, a
country
Use synonyms
's
productivity
Use synonyms
 determine economical
success
Use synonyms
. The reason for
that is
Linking Words
 that
productivity
Use synonyms
 per hour is more important than total
hours
Use synonyms
. If a
country
Use synonyms
 has advanced technology and automation, it allows countries to produce more in less time.
For example
Linking Words
, in Ireland average annual
hours
Use synonyms
 worked is 1150
hours
Use synonyms
, and GDP per Capita is 140,000$, in Norway average annual
hours
Use synonyms
 worked is 1420
hours
Use synonyms
, and GDP per Capita is 106,000$. To be clear, average annual
hours
Use synonyms
 don't determine the economic output of a
country
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it is more about
productivity
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in terms of economic
success
Use synonyms
, long working
hours
Use synonyms
 aren't important as
productivity
Use synonyms
 and a skilled workforce.
Conclusion
In conclusion, countries with longer working
hours
Use synonyms
 aren’t more economically successful because
productivity
Use synonyms
 determines a
country
Use synonyms
’s
success
Use synonyms
 rather than working
hours
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, governments should prioritise improving employees’
productivity
Use synonyms
 and working conditions
instead
Linking Words
 of simply increasing working
hours
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree that long work hours make a country more successful. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why output per hour, skills, and new tools lead to more money for a country.
task response
Be careful with the first example. A videographer or journalist may not be a good example for a whole country, and the point about their work time is not fully clear. Use a clearer country-level example, such as a factory that makes more goods in less time with better machines.
task response
The Ireland and Norway facts support your main view, but explain what they show in one or two more clear lines. Also, do not use facts such as “foreign professors” unless you can make the source clear; you can state the idea directly instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Keep this shape, but make the first main part focus on one idea only: long hours can lower the quality of work.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas need to be smoother. For example, after saying that workers may feel tired, say clearly that lower quality and slower work can reduce total output and so hurt economic growth.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words in a natural way: “First”, “For this reason”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Avoid repeating “productivity determines economic success” in almost the same words; give a new part of the idea each time.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form so the meaning is easy to follow. For example, write “a country’s productivity determines its economic success” and “Ireland’s average annual working time is ...”.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the introduction to the conclusion.
task response
Your main idea about output per hour is relevant and useful. The comparison of work time and income in two countries helps show this point.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each main paragraph has its own main idea.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to your main view and gives a clear suggestion for governments.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: