IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

n the modern world, a university education is essential in order to get a rewarding job and earn a high salary. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#n #world #university #education #job #salary
There is no doubt that getting a
university
 degree in the modern world has a lot of appeal. The question is, is it really essential for
job
 satisfaction and a high income? I personally don't think so. In
this
 essay, I will attempt to elaborate on why I have
this
 perspective. 
Firstly
, we have to ask, what makes a profession rewarding? the latest research seems to indicate that it comes down to three main aspects;
job
 autonomy, competence within the role, and progression. All of these have nothing to do with previous academic success per se.
In addition
 to
this
, there are various other routes individuals can take to gain experience and progress within a career. One of those specific routes is becoming an apprentice. These roles don't require previous
university
 qualifications and provide key first-hand experience of the
job
 itself. On top of that, these are paid positions and don't result in an accumulation of debt, the same way that studying for a degree would. Those who complete these schemes are
then
 able to progress in their careers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and earn very respectable salaries. There is
also
 the option of starting your own business.
This
 has many appeals, including control over one's time, and a much higher earning potential.
Although
this
 type of career can be very demanding, it can
also
 have great rewards. Including a greater ability to impact the world around us in a more meaningful way. In conclusion, studying at
university
 has a lot to offer, especially for those wanting to pursue specific careers,
such
 as medicine, pharmacy, dentistry etc.
However
,
this
 is not essential for
job
 satisfaction and earning a good income. Apprenticeship schemes and starting a business, are both great alternatives to studying at
university
.
Submitted by amramer2344 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Though your ideas are well-organized, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly from one point to another for even better coherence.
task achievement
Expand a bit more on why people find university degrees appealing to provide a more balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Excellent introduction and conclusion that clearly state your perspective.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples which help to substantiate your arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: