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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, an increasing number of people are working from home rather than in an office. Task: Discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of this trend, and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
In some nations, more and more people prefer
Use synonyms
work
Change preposition
to work
show examples
 from
home
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of traditional office
work
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 because it is convenient and
time effective
Correct your spelling
time-effective
.
However
Linking Words
, it has many drawbacks too,
such
Linking Words
 as
network
Use synonyms
 issues and technological errors. Both the advantages and disadvantages will be discussed in the ensuing paragraphs with valid reasons and appropriate examples.
Body paragraph 1
The main advantage of remote
work
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 is
convenience
Correct article usage
the convenience
show examples
 it offers . Remote
work
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 allows people to
work
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 from anywhere
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 their
home
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Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
, which reduces daily commutes of workplace.
As a
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result
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result,
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 employees can save not only time but
also
Linking Words
 a significant amount of money.
Moreover
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, it
also
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 provides
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
flexible
work
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 hours, people can
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
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 when they want,
according to
Linking Words
 their convenience.
For instance
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, developed
country
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countries
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 like Australia have announced
the
Correct word choice
that
show examples
work
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 from
home
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 four days
in
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apply
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a week
,
Verb problem
is
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 mandatory,
as a result
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,
have
Correct pronoun usage
they have
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 save remarkable quantity of fuel and oil.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, working from
home
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 has
drawback
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drawbacks
show examples
also
Linking Words
,
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.
show examples
Network
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 and technological issue is the main
limitation
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limitations
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 of
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work
Replace the word
working
 from
home
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. Remote
work
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 is entirely
rely
Replace the word
reliant
 on electronic devices
such
Linking Words
 as mobile phone, laptop, there is
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
risks
Fix the agreement mistake
risk
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 of losing
network
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 and arising technological issues during
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work
Correct article usage
the work
show examples
 process
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Linking Words
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
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 they may adversely affect the efficiency of
work
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as well as
Linking Words
 the reputation of the company. To illustrate, Many companies face heavy
lose
Replace the word
losses
 because they have lost their
network
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 during
important
Correct article usage
an important
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 online meeting with
international
Correct article usage
an international
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 client.
Conclusion
conclude,
Though
Fix capitalization
though
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, flexible
work
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 pattern has risks of
network
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 issues and technological errors, its benefits in terms of convenience and flexible
work
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 hours surpass
it's
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 drawbacks.

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task response
You discuss both good and bad sides and give your own view. To make your answer stronger, explain each main idea in more depth. For example, say how saved travel time can help people look after children, rest, or do more work.
task response
Your main points are clear, but some claims need more care. Working from home does not always mean people can work whenever they want, because many jobs still have set hours. Use words such as “may” or “can” when an idea is not true for all workers.
task response
Your examples need to sound more real and clear. The example about Australia is too broad and has no clear source. You could use a simple general example: “For example, a worker who no longer travels two hours each day can save money on fuel and have more time with family.”
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: an opening, one paragraph for benefits, one for problems, and a final view. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph start with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Do not begin a new sentence with “Consequently” after a comma. Write: “As a result, this can lower work quality.” Also, avoid using “moreover” when the next idea is not closely linked.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph a full conclusion. State your view clearly and give a short reason: “In my view, working from home is more helpful than harmful because it saves time and money, if firms provide good internet and support.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because key words are missing or in the wrong form. For example, write “Remote work is convenient because it lets people work from home” instead of “The main advantage of remote work is convenience it offers.”
task response
You answer all parts of the task: you cover benefits, problems, and your own view.
task response
You choose relevant ideas, such as less travel, lower cost, flexible work, internet problems, and work delays.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because the good and bad sides are in separate paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “However”, “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “As a result”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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