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Band 5

How should we ensure that television is a positive influence in the life of children.

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Introduction
It is believed that a large number of television programs have transformed into a source of manipulation and misinformation.
In addition
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, society strongly believes that it is negatively influencing
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of developing nations.
However
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, by implementing proper strategies and
methods
Punctuation problem
methods,
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 it is possible to identify several benefits
particularly
Punctuation problem
, particularly
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 for the younger generation.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, effective communication between parents and their offspring is crucial for a safe and constructive use of content presented on screens.
Furthermore
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, the older generations should be responsible for implementing an age limit,
as well as
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 making sure it is respected. It is essential for adults to set rules and principles for youngsters before giving them access to
this
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 type of material.
For instance
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, by doing so, young people can learn to filter information on media.
Consequently
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, their developing nervous systems and mental health will be less negatively affected.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, children need an adult as an example in order to understand the worth of consuming high-quality content.
Moreover
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, psychologists have established that the majority of teenagers tend to imitate
behaviour
Correct article usage
the behaviour
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 patterns of their parents.
In other words
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,
although
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verbalizing
Change the spelling
verbalising
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 the rules
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a significant role in
this
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 concept, it can be inefficient for them if it is not supported with actions by their authority figures. To illustrate, by introducing family traditions like movie evenings,
elder
Correct word choice
older
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 ones develop
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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 in viewing worthy media productions.
Conclusion
Taking everything into consideration, making television a
prosper
Replace the word
prosperous
 place for children is manageable. Even though, without
well defined
Correct your spelling
well-defined
 boundaries and valuable
guidance
Add a comma
guidance,
show examples
 it may become an unhealthy environment for them.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly in the first part. Say clearly what parents, schools, and TV makers should do to make TV good for children.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. For example, explain how age rules work, who checks them, and why they help children choose safe shows.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. You could name news shows for children, nature programs, or a family rule about screen time.
task response
Some ideas are too broad. The point about the future of whole nations is not needed. Keep the focus on children and television.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this good plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link from the opening to the first main point smoother. The opening talks about false news, but the next part moves quickly to parent-child talk.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between cause and result. For example: 'This helps children because...' or 'As a result, they can...'
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two short sentences so the meaning is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The ending should state your two main points again in simple words: clear rules and good parent example.
task response
You give two useful ways to help children: parents can set rules, and adults can show good viewing habits.
task response
The family movie night example is relevant and helps show how parents can guide children.
coherence and cohesion
The two main body parts each have one main idea, which makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'For instance', and 'Taking everything into consideration' help guide the reader through your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You include both an opening and an ending, and the ending returns to the main topic.
Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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