IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economies around the world. However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and the environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
The trend
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 global
tourism
Use synonyms
 has significantly increased
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
 primarily contributes in rapid
economical
Replace the word
economic
 development of host countries, its detrimental impacts
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
damage
Use synonyms
 to local communities and
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
show examples
 environent have
widely
Verb problem
been widely
show examples
 ignored all
round
Change preposition
around
show examples
 the world. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
despite
Punctuation problem
, despite
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
showing concern,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and local
people
Use synonyms
 only promote
this
Linking Words
 activites to earn more financial revenue.
Body paragraph 1
The primary argument to justify my stance is
with
Correct word choice
that with
show examples
 constant interference of tourist local traditions are becoming tools to attract
people
Use synonyms
. Owing to
this
Linking Words
, religion and cultural
value
Check wording
values
show examples
 lost their significance
while
Linking Words
 entertaining visitors.
For example
Linking Words
, without proper knowledge visitor perform revered activities that make
culture consious
Correct your spelling
culture-conscious
people
Use synonyms
 sad.
Body paragraph 2
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, to maintain and regulate
tourism
Use synonyms
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 accommodation, transportation and other facilities increased.
This
Linking Words
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to deforestation, pressure on government
body
Check wording
bodies
show examples
 to invest citizens' money on provide amenities to travellers. To
illustrates
Wrong verb form
illustrate
show examples
, deforestation cause paremanent
damage
Use synonyms
local
Change preposition
to local
show examples
 biodiversity
due to
Linking Words
 habitat loss.
Body paragraph 3
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
other
Correct determiner usage
another
show examples
 damaging effect of increased
tourism
Use synonyms
 is increased pollution. Living and transportation cause waste and air pollution in the regions. Other than
this
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are throwing
non-biodigradable
Correct your spelling
non-biodegradable
 waste. To cite
and
Correct determiner usage
an
show examples
 example,
people
Use synonyms
 spread plastic waste on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural locations
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
compromise
Correct subject-verb agreement
compromises
show examples
 the health and beauty of ecosystems.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I completely agree that human invation cause severe
damage
Use synonyms
 to natural places and native cultures.
However
Linking Words
, it
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 considerable benefits to economic progress with employment,
But
Fix capitalization
but
show examples
 the
damage
Use synonyms
 it
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
 is far
dangerous
Rephrase
more dangerous
show examples
 for the planet and its living systems.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that tourism can harm local life and nature. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why these harms are often ignored. For example, say that money and jobs may make leaders accept harm to local people and places.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear chain: cause, result, and example. In the culture paragraph, explain how shows or holy acts for visitors can change their true meaning for local people.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. Instead of saying visitors do revered acts, name one act or place, such as a holy temple or local dance, and explain what visitors may do there.
task response
Your ending repeats your view, but it has an unclear contrast: tourism helps the economy, but the harm is worse. State clearly that tourism should be controlled so that money does not come at the cost of nature and local culture.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: culture, land and services, then pollution. Keep this order, but make the link between each paragraph and your main view more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one simple main idea. For example: 'Tourism can also harm the natural world.' Then give one or two reasons and one example only.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because key words are missing or the word order is not clear. Write shorter sentences. For example: 'More hotels and roads are needed for tourists. This can lead to cutting down forests.'
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. 'Besides this' and 'Furthermore' are useful, but do not use too many. Simple links such as 'First', 'Also', 'As a result', and 'For example' will make the flow smoother.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear view from the first paragraph to the end.
task response
You include several relevant harms: loss of local culture, cutting down forests, and waste and air pollution.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, separate body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples in each main paragraph, which helps the reader understand your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic growth
  • Cultural dilution
  • Environmental degradation
  • Responsible tourism
  • Ecotourism
  • Cultural conservation
  • Habitat destruction
  • Sustainable practices
  • Cultural exchange
  • Commercialization of cultural sites
  • Cultural heritage
  • Local ecosystems
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