IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that social networking sites have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
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There is a widespread belief that not only individuals,
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also
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but also
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 society
get
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gets
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 influenced by social networking sites
on
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in
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 a negative way.
Although
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 there are undeniable drawbacks
of
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to
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such
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 social
media
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 channels
on
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for
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people
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, positive aspects should
likewise
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 not be overlooked. In
this
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 essay, I will
firstly
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 highlight the importance of social networks for us before explaining their negative sides. One major reason why I believe that social
media
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 has become an integral part of our daily lives and permeating almost every aspect of modern society. It has collapsed the distance between communities, allowing families and
people
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 separated by migration to stay close as well. To clarify,
Whatsapp
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WhatsApp
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 plays a significant role
to communicate
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in communicating
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 with each other and
keep
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keeping
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 in contact with friends and
family
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family,
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 no matter how much distance
have
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there is
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 between
the
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apply
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people
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.
Additionally
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, social
media
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 allows
the
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apply
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businesses to reach customers
as
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that
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 they could never previously reach. To illustrate, enterprises and even freelance workers can easily choose their scope of audience by using specific tools provided by
such
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 social channels. But most important impact in my view is that
such
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 networks make public debate more democratic: ordinary citizens can now circulate news, expressing their opinions on
an
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apply
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any matter, and push the governmental bodies to account
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such
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for such
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 public views in their
organizational
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organisational
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 activity. For these reasons, social
media
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 websites have
a
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an
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 ultimate beneficial effect and improve our standards of living.
On the other hand
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,
detrimental
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the detrimental
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 impacts of
such
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 channels should not be neglected.
Firstly
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, the most visible consequence of excessive use of
such
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 websites is
erosion
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the erosion
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 of personal relationships. Nowadays,
people
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 tend to spend their time online rather than sitting around the table, talking and sharing the details of their lives. Today, even in the arranged gatherings,
people
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 remain fixated on their screens.
Furthermore
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, social
media
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 negatively effect the
people
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’s self-esteem
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as
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, as
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 well as
can cause to
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causing
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 anxiety and depression in terms of their personal life because of unrealistic portrayals of others’ lives. Misinformation and even
creation
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the creation
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 of
unique
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a unique
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 look online can trigger
people
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 to dissatisfy what they have.
Last
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, but not least, data privacy is
under the
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at
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 risk as
such
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 platforms regularly collect and process the data without the users’ full understanding. So, social
media
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 has, in these examples,
harm
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harmed
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 both our relationships and quality of life
as well as
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threating
Correct your spelling
threatening
 personal data. In conclusion,
although
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 social
media
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 has genuine benefits in terms of communication and creating new business opportunities, I believe the disadvantages deserve
the
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apply
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equal attention, given the damage they have done
both
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to both
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mindsets of
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people's mindsets
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people
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 and personal bonds.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first paragraph. You say there are good and bad sides, but the question asks how far you agree. State if you agree only in part, and keep this view clear through the whole essay.
task response
Develop the key points with more detail. For example, explain how false news can harm a group or how loss of data can affect a person. This will make your ideas more full and strong.
task response
Use more exact examples. WhatsApp is a useful example, but the business and public debate points need one short, real example to show how they work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: good sides first, then bad sides, then a close. Keep each paragraph to one main idea, and make the first sentence of each paragraph state that idea clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more natural way. You use words such as “Additionally”, “Furthermore”, and “On the other hand” well, but do not use too many links. Make sure each link shows the exact relation between the ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Break them into two shorter sentences, especially in the parts about public debate, self-esteem, and data privacy. This will make your meaning easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear or incorrect word groups that stop the flow, such as “on a negative way”, “how much distance have between the people”, and “push the governmental bodies to account”. Use short, direct forms instead.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give a clear final view: social media has real good points, but its harm needs equal attention.
task response
Your ideas are relevant to both people and the wider group: family contact, business, public debate, close relationships, mental health, and data privacy.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening, two main body parts, and a final paragraph. This makes the reader able to follow your main line.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to support your points, such as WhatsApp for contact with family and friends, and people looking at screens during group time.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social isolation
  • virtual interactions
  • mental health
  • feelings of inadequacy
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • misinformation
  • destabilize
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • productivity
  • foster connections
  • educational content
  • social activism
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