IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Wild animal have no place in 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is a widespread belief among
the animal-lovers
Correct determiner usage
animal lovers
show examples
 that
without
Punctuation problem
, without
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doubt
Add a comma
doubt,
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 every wild animal living on the Earth has a special place in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature
Use synonyms
 despite the lack of researches of the role of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wild
animals
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
biodiversity. In
this
Linking Words
 case,
although
Linking Words
 most of the people share the opinion about the restrictive regulations on some wild animal breeds which can sometimes spread danger to the public,
such
Linking Words
 as street dogs, I believe that in order to preserve biodiversity in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 wild
Use synonyms
animals
Punctuation problem
animals,
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 we should carefully use all our
resources
Use synonyms
 on the strong grounds of scientific
researches
Check wording
research
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will
firstly
Linking Words
 discuss the importance of
Use synonyms
protection of
Replace the word
protecting
 wild
animals
Use synonyms
 using all the possible
resources
Use synonyms
 before explaining its drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason why I believe all available
resources
Use synonyms
 should be considered attentively in the
protection
Use synonyms
 of wild
animals
Use synonyms
that
Verb problem
is that
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 we need to pass the biodiversity of the mother
nature
Use synonyms
 to the next generation. To clarify, every wild animal, every living
creatures
Fix the agreement mistake
creature
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 has its special role in the existence of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
Use synonyms
. So
before
Punctuation problem
, before
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 any
restriction
Add a comma
restriction,
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 the importance of the role of specific wild animal
breed
Check wording
breeds
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 should be researched in every aspect, including quantity.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the rapid
urbanization
Change the spelling
urbanisation
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 process in
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
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 century itself affected the wild animal breeds negatively
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. For these reasons, countries need to use all the necessary
resources
Use synonyms
 for the
protection
Use synonyms
 of the wild
nature
Use synonyms
, to illustrate
more
Correct word choice
that more
show examples
 conservation parks should be founded and funded to protect wild animal breeds.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, the negative sides of
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
resources
Use synonyms
 for the
protection
Use synonyms
 of wild
animals
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 minor, consequences cannot be overlooked. The extremely high costs
when
Change preposition
of
show examples
 conservation parks, providing the relevant
environment
Punctuation problem
environment,
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 can be used in other activities to improve
life quality
Correct word order
the quality of life
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 of the people. So, the costs and
resources
Use synonyms
spending
Wrong verb form
spent
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 can negatively
affects
Wrong verb form
affect
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 other social
spendings
Replace the word
spending
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe
with
Correct word choice
that with
show examples
 the proper scientific and
economical researches
Replace the word
economic research
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
resources
Use synonyms
 can be used properly for the
protection
Use synonyms
 of wild
animals
Use synonyms
.

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Task response
Make your main view clearer in the first paragraph. You mostly disagree, but you also say that some limits may be needed. State this in one direct sentence and keep the same view through the essay.
Task response
Answer the idea of “a waste of resources” more fully. Explain why money for wild animals is worth using, then compare it with other needs such as health, homes, or schools.
Task response
Develop each main point with a clear example. For example, show how the loss of one animal can harm plants, food, or other animals. Your park example is useful, but it needs more detail.
Task response
Your second body paragraph is too short and weak. It gives the other side, but it does not fully explain your answer to that side. Say how research can help spend money in the right places.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a simpler plan: introduction, one reason to protect animals, one paragraph on cost and how to deal with it, then conclusion. This will make the line of your answer easier to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Some long sentences hold several ideas, so split them into shorter sentences.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “however”, “for example”, and “therefore” should show a clear link between ideas. Do not use them only to make the writing sound formal.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words and ideas, such as “resources”, “wild animal breeds”, and “itself”. Use simple forms like “wild animals”, “money and time”, and “this process” instead.
Task response
You give a clear overall view that wild animals should be protected, and you connect this view to nature and the future.
Task response
You include both the good side of protection and the cost to people. This shows that you understand both parts of the question.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, body paragraphs, and an ending. The reader can see the main shape of your answer.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links between ideas, such as “To clarify”, “Additionally”, and “However”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Biodiversity
  • Ecosystem services
  • Conservation
  • Species extinction
  • Ecological balance
  • Habitat preservation
  • Biosphere
  • Sustainable tourism
  • Ethical obligation
  • Flora and fauna
  • Natural heritage
  • Endangered species
  • Wildlife management
  • Anthropogenic impacts
  • Ecotourism
What to do next:
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